Get Your Essays Checked - Suggestions/Critics

[Bikerabhinav]

Hi Everyone,
I don't know if there's already one such topic on this forum, so here I've created another. As title says, this topic is to get the expert advise/critics on our essays from people all over the world.

Just post the topic and your essay and we will reply with our views.

Here's the first one by me:

Topic: "Some people prefer to live in places that have the same climate all year long while others like to live in areas where whether changes several times a year. Which do yo prefer ? use specific reasons and e.g. to suuport your choice"

Answer:

[Gianglp]

[Dhoon824]

Hi, please evaluate my essay. Thank you.

96. Some people think governments should spend as much money as possible exploring outer space (for example, traveling to the Moon and to other planets). Other people disagree and think governments should spend this money for our basic needs on Earth. Which of these two opinions do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

The governments from all countries face trade-offs because they have limited resources. When they spend a lot of money and resources on one area, they might have few money and resources left to spend on another area. I believe governments should spend as much as possible on Earth. Today’s problems such as poverty and crimes can be alleviated or solved through more government spending.

Poverty is one of the main problems facing the Earth today. This problem is mostly apparent in the third-world countries such as Bolivia, Chile, Paraguay, and many other Latin American countries. Poverty also occurs in the wealthy countries as well such as the United States and Japan. The definition of poverty is households living below the government poverty line. Poverty line is an artificial line set up by the government. Many people in the world are classified by their governments as being in poverty. Some are unemployed, while others work many jobs but still cannot afford to pay their living expenses. Governments should pour more money into the households who are in poverty.

Cities carry the most crimes. The majority of the United States’ crimes happen in the inner cities. These crimes include vandalism of buildings, rape, murder, and etc. Governments need to spend more money in improving the inner city communities so these crimes won’t happen. When the money goes to improve the community and the education of the cities, there will be fewer crimes in the cities. Good education is the most important aspect in improving the communities. As a result of a better community, the crimes will drastically be reduced. Most crimes in the cities begin with the teenagers who dropout from these bad inner city schools, when you fix the city education via more government spending, the crimes will be history, therefore, more government spending is needed.

Many outer space researches brought no valuable information; therefore, it is pointless to continue to do research. Instead, governments should spend money on solving problems on Earth such as poverty and crimes.