Television Has destroyed communication among friends and family. TOEFL® sample ess

[Vsravan]

Hi All ,

This is Sravan . I am new to this forum . It is so exciting to see and read the posts in this forum . I have started preparing for TOEFL . This is a sample essay I have selected from ETS sample essay topics. I would request you to pelase go through my essay ...and rate my essay.

However , it is not your ratings , but your comments are what I am waiting for ........

Thanks for all your help in advance

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Watching TV has become a daily part of our life. As per a survey, on an average, people are spending 3 hrs per day, in watching TV. Advent of TV, although not completely, has certainly affected the communication among friends and family.

In a day, by excluding 8 hrs of school, 8 hrs of sleep & 4 hrs of other daily activities, we hardly get 4 hrs of leisure time to spend with our family. Ironically, we are spending that time on TV but not either with parents or with friends.

In olden days, when there was no TV, people used to spend a lot of time out-door. They used to participate in family or community re-unions, play out door games and hang out with friends. All these activities will actually build good rapport among the participants. Because of the frequent meetings & discussions, people used to feel intimacy with one another

Nowadays, TV has become the main mode of entertainment. In this television era, we are so busy and engrossed in TV that we hardly think about spending that time with family or friends. Today, it is not uncommon to see a child, while watching his favorite TV show, neither talk to his parents nor respond to their calls. Most children may slip their dinner OR lunch but not their favorite Mickey-mouse shows. Because we hardly attend any family re-unions, we don’t know who our relatives are. What they are doing. We neither feel any intimacy nor show any affection towards them.

While watching TV is beneficial to an extent, addiction to it is highly detrimental. I personally feel nowadays most of the people are addicted to TV. Alarm bells are ringing!!!! . it is time for us to wake up from the slumber and take necessary steps to save HUMAN RELATIONS from the attack of communication and entertainment media.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation about toys
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Regards
Sravan
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Happiness is the every day sunshine of your life

[Katty2010]

Watching TV has become a daily part of our life. As per a survey, on an average, people are spending 3 hrs per day, in watching TV. Advent of TV, although not completely, has certainly affected the communication among friends and family.

In a day, by excluding 8 hrs of school, 8 hrs of sleep & 4 hrs of other daily activities, we hardly get 4 hrs of leisure time to spend with our family. Ironically, we are spending that time on TV but not either with parents or with friends.

In olden days, when there was no TV, people used to spend a lot of time out-doorS. They used to participate in family or community re-unions, play out door games and hang out with friends. All these activities will actually build good rapport among the participants AND Because of theSE frequent meetings & discussions, people used to feel intimaTEcy with one another

Nowadays, TV has become the main mode of entertainment. In this television era, we are so busy and engrossed in TV that we hardly think about spending that time with family or friends. Today, it is not uncommon to see a child, while watching his favorite TV show, neither talk to his parents nor respond to their calls. Most children may slip their dinner OR lunch but not their favorite Mickey-mouse shows. Because we hardly attend any family re-unions, we don’t know who our relatives are. What they are doing. We neither feel any intimacy nor show any affection towards them.

While watching TV is beneficial to an extent, addiction to it is highly detrimental. I personally feel nowadays most of the people are addicted to TV. Alarm bells are ringing!!!! . It is time for us to wake up from the slumber and take necessary steps to save HUMAN RELATIONS from the attack of communication and entertainment media.

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Good Essay :P! Though I don't think ETS would appreciate the Alarm bells are ringing!!:p!
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Just a confused kid... trying to live through twists & turns of life!
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Everything Is Temporary!

[Vsravan]

Thanks for your inputs
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Regards
Sravan
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Happiness is the every day sunshine of your life

[Beeesneees]

Hi Vsravan,

'input' not 'inputs'.
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Cheers m' dears!

[Vsravan]

Hi all,

I request you all to please give through the essay and give me your input.

I would like you to comment on the following :
Organization of the essay. sentence construction.Grammatical /punctuation errors if you come across any.

IF YOU were an ETS EVALUATOR :),how would you rate this essay on a scale of 1 TO 5.

Your suggestions will help me in improving my writing skills.Thanks

Yesterday,one of my colleague in my office asked our team members that how many of us have good neighbours at home.Surprisingly, only 50% of the team responded positively.Although, I am not sure why half of the people gave a negative response ,in my view,a good neighbour ,coupled with a good relationship, will be helpful to us in many ways.There are certain qualities which I consider before deciding whether my neighbour is good or bad.

We,human beings, are the social animals.It is inevitable for all of us to take help,in one way or the other, from others.A good neighbour is someone who extends his hand to help you.
We, me & my wife, are a working couple.So picking up my daughter from her school, which closes by 3PM, was a major problem for us until one of my neighbours took the responsibility of bringing her back home daily.

After a long, busy & hectic day , all that one would like to do is to go back home and take rest in a quiet and peaceful environment.A good neighbour is someone who respects others feelings. he never tries to create any inconvenience to others.My neighbours are very nice people. they always keep their surroundings neat and clean.They also ensure not to create too much noise to be inconvenient to us.

Good neighbours always try to establish congenial relationship with others and they value it.I spend a lot of time , especially during weekends, with my neighbours. These small re-unions will help me not only to relax but also to rejuvenate my mind for the next week's work.

While it is true that not all our neighbours are necessarily good,having good people as our neighbours is not only helpful but also enjoyable.Hence ,inspite of our busy schedules , we should not forget to be in good terms with our neighbours ,provided they are good.


_________________
Regards
Sravan
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Happiness is the every day sunshine of your life