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Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies.



 
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Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. #1 (permalink) Thu Apr 28, 2011 16:02 pm   Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies.
 

Please, give some advice.
Topic
Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. To what extent do you think television has positive or negatively affected cultural development?


Nowadays, many people get used to regarding watching TV every night as one of their best leisure activities. Due to this common phenomenon, TV are affecting people’s minds gradually so that it would strongly influence cultural development in positive and negative aspects.

To begin with, the positive effect that TV brought to us is in three fields. First, through TV, one’s sight was expanded largely. Hence, one can access different cultures and try to know it. This behavior can promote people to understand each other mutually, which can effectively avoiding unnecessary cultural conflicts between people whose cultural backgrounds are different. Second, one can learn more local cultural things such as history story, ancient custom etc. For example, in China, there are a famous program named “LECTURE” telling the audiences history of China. Third, TV passes the newest cultural phenomena to the public, which could promote to create popular culture in our society. For instance, everyone know the most popular words or sentences in social life due to watching TV series.

On the other hand, the negative effect exist, too. The worst is cultural invasion that is damaging to local culture. It is especially true among young people who are so fascinated by foreign culture, which could have local culture lose successors. Another one is that the plot is too violent and unhealthy in some TV program. This could be so harmful for youngsters that crime rate among youngsters are rising dramatically all over the word. If the two trends can not be curbed, the public will lose the most specious thing--- diversified culture not mention to develop it.

From my perspective, TV is a channel, so the context are more important. Hence, if we hope TV promote the development of our culture, we should produce more positive programs and limit foreign TV series moderately to protect local culture.


TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the Louisiade Archipelago host more bird species than the Hawaiian Islands?
Wangboniu
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 20 Apr 2011
Posts: 39
Location: Beijing, born and bred

Re: Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. #2 (permalink) Fri Apr 29, 2011 4:02 am   Re: Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies.
 

Hi, I am not an English teacher, but I made a few suggestions for your essay. Some of your wording is quite hard to follow. For your second paragraph I found it easier just to rewrite your sentences. I have not corrected all your errors, but maybe the corrections I have made will be helpful to you.

Wangboniu wrote:
Please, give some advice.
Topic
Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. To what extent do you think television has positive or negatively affected cultural development?


Nowadays, many people get used to regarding watching TV every night as one of their best leisure activities. {Nowadays, many people regard watching TV every night as one of their favorite leisure activites.} Due to this common phenomenon, TV are[is] affecting people’s minds gradually{move gradually to right before affecting} so that it would strongly influence{s} cultural development in positive and negative aspects[both positively and negatively].

To begin with, the positive effect that TV brought to us is in three fields.[TV has brought positive effects in three areas] First, through TV, one’s[our] sight was[has] expanded largely[greatly]. Hence, one can access different cultures and try to know it. This behavior can promote people to understand each other mutually, which can effectively avoiding unnecessary cultural conflicts between people whose cultural backgrounds are different. Second, one can learn more local cultural things such as history story, ancient custom etc. For example, in China, there are a famous program named “LECTURE” telling the audiences history of China. Third, TV passes the newest cultural phenomena to the public, which could promote to create popular culture in our society. For instance, everyone know the most popular words or sentences in social life due to watching TV series.

{For instance, one can have access to different cultures and can learn about them. This promotes mutual understanding, which helps avoid unnecessary cultural conflicts between people of different backgrounds. Second, one can learn more about their local culture, such as their history and customs. For example, in China there is a famous program called "Lecture", which tells its audience of China's history. Third, TV shares the latest cultural phenomena with the public, which helps promote popular culture in society. For instance, everyone learns the latest words or phrases by watching TV series.}

On the other hand, the negative effect[s} exist, too. The worst is cultural invasion that is damaging to local culture. It is especially true among young people who are so fascinated by foreign culture, which could have local culture lose successor[who may then fail to carry on their own cultural traditions]. Another one is that the plot is too violent and unhealthy in some TV program{s}. This could be so harmful for youngsters that crime rate among youngsters are rising dramatically all over the word. If the two trends can not be curbed, the public will lose the most specious thing--- diversified culture not mention to develop it. {the end of this sentence is confusing}

From my perspective, TV is a channel{TV is just a means of delivering information}, so the context are[is] more important. Hence, if we hope [for] TV [to] promote the development of our culture, we should produce more positive programs and limit foreign TV series moderately to protect local culture.


TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the Louisiade Archipelago host more bird species than the Hawaiian Islands?
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 7126
Location: Nashville TN, USA

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Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. #3 (permalink) Sat Apr 30, 2011 14:30 pm   Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies.
 

Hello, Luschen

It's so exciting to receive your reply. I am so happy. I consider it's a kind of encouragement to me. Whether or not you are a teacher, you does help me a lot and you are my teacher. Confucius has said, " There must be a mentor for me among any three travelers. " I believe you are the mentor.
I am so sorry about my essay, which make you confused, but this is the thing I really want to change. There must be something wrong in the means of my expression. May be you can easily find out the mistakes in this reply. I am so sorry about this. I really need your help to overcome my problem.
Thanks a lot.

Wangboniu
Wangboniu
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 20 Apr 2011
Posts: 39
Location: Beijing, born and bred

Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. #4 (permalink) Sat Apr 30, 2011 15:57 pm   Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies.
 

This sentence
“If the two trends can not be curbed, the public will lose the most specious thing--- diversified culture not mention to develop it. {the end of this sentence is confusing}”
I should change it to this:
If the two negative effects can not be curbed, local residents will lose their most specious thing--- local cultures, such as Scottish culture, Beijing culture etc. If they lose local culture, how can they develop it.

Am I right?
Wangboniu
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 20 Apr 2011
Posts: 39
Location: Beijing, born and bred

Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. #5 (permalink) Sat Apr 30, 2011 21:19 pm   Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies.
 

Wangboniu wrote:
Hello, Luschen

It's so exciting to receive your reply. I am so happy. I consider it's a kind of encouragement to me. Whether or not you are a teacher, you does help me a lot and you are my teacher. Confucius has said, " There must be a mentor for me among any three travelers. " I believe you are the[that] mentor.
I am so sorry about my essay, which make[made] you confused, but this is the thing I really want to change. There must be something wrong in the means of my expression. May be[Maybe] you can easily find out the mistakes in this reply. I am so sorry about this. I really need your help to overcome my problem.
Thanks a lot.

Wangboniu


Hi! Your response was actually quite good. I think if you use shorter, more direct sentences like you did in your response it will improve the clarity of you writing. Please don't get discouraged - your English is much better than my Mandarin! It just takes lots of practice and constructive criticism for your English to improve.
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 7126
Location: Nashville TN, USA

Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. #6 (permalink) Sat Apr 30, 2011 21:25 pm   Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies.
 

Wangboniu wrote:
This sentence
“If the two trends can not be curbed, the public will lose the most specious thing--- diversified culture not mention to develop it. {the end of this sentence is confusing}”
I should change it to this:
If the two negative effects can not be curbed, local residents will lose their most specious thing--- local cultures, such as Scottish culture, Beijing culture etc. If they lose local culture, how can they develop it.

Am I right?


Specious means something that might appear to be correct on the surface, but is actually wrong. I think you meant to use the word precious.

Your rewritten sentence is better - you could also try: "If these two negative effects cannot be curbed, local residents may lose their most precious traditions. Rich, historical cultures throughout the world could vanish and replacing them would be impossible"
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 7126
Location: Nashville TN, USA

Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. #7 (permalink) Sun May 01, 2011 2:36 am   Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies.
 

Hi, Luschen

Thanks for your suggestions. They are really constructive and inspiring. I have ignored the ultimate purpose of language, which is to communicate with each other. I thought I could get a good grades by writing long sentences. However, My poor English made those confusing and the examiner could fail to understand my essay. That could be the reason why I fail to get a good grades. Hence, I consider practicing step by step rather than hoping for a dramatic improvement in a short period.

You mentioned you can speak Mandarin. It's wonderful. Are you learning it? If I can help, please let me know. I was born and bred in Beijing so that my Mandarin should be very standard. I just want to do something to thank you. It could be a win-win mode.

"precious" is the exact word I intend to use. Your sentence accurately express my meaning. You are so considerate. With your help, I can make a substantial improvement in my English. Thanks for your help to make me more confident.

Happy labor day!

Wangboniu
Wangboniu
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 20 Apr 2011
Posts: 39
Location: Beijing, born and bred

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