Why study abroad? Essay :)

[Swaerley]

Hello,

Please evaluate...

Prompt:

Many students choose to attend schools or universities outside their home countries. Why do some students study abroad? Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer.

My answer:

Whether to attend a university that locates in one’s home country has long been a controversy. While some people believe it is better to study in a higher education institute that is located in one’s home town due to simplicity and comfort in that living situation, I believe that the virtues to the contrary are greater. In this essay I will display reasons for attending university abroad.

To begin, the main reason for prospective students to attend colleges that are outside their home country is the opportunity to live in a different city. Most of high school graduates had never been outside their home towns and attending any college that is away would be their first opportunity for doing so. Exposing oneself to different atmospheres and cultures would benefit a student in many ways. Students would be able to travel and visit places they would never see otherwise, opportunity that should not be dismissed.

Furthermore, students may look for universities that have a developed department in their field of study. For example, students who want to specialize in physics would want to look for a university in which the physics department is well developed and that maintains the opportunity for the student to gain a higher source of academic knowledge. The best university in your field of study could be anywhere in the world, and students who would want to be attend those specific universities would have to study outside their home towns.

In addition, studying away from home would benefit the students’ personalities. The absence of family and comfort zone would teach the students the value of responsibility. When a student is constantly near a member of his or her family, there would be nothing that would drive them to do things for themselves and manage on their own since there is always someone to do those things.

To sum up, studying away from home contains a variety of indubitable advantages that would be beneficial for the students’ life. The experience of living in a different city, in which the student had never been in, the opportunity to achieve an academically high knowledge or to experience a personal growth are the categorical reasons for attending a college abroad.

Thank you!!

TOEFL listening lectures: Which aspect of bee behavior does the professor mainly discuss?

[Luschen]

Hi, I am not an English teacher, but as a native speaker I would be happy to comment on your essay. I think you did an excellent job, only a few minor grammatical mistakes. You chose to state most of your essay in terms of "this would happen to the students" or "the students would do this". I think your essay would be better if you just write mainly in the present tense, as if the benefits are occuring right now. For example:

your sentence: In addition, studying away from home would benefit the students’ personalities. The absence of family and [its] comfort zone would teach the students the value of responsibility.

present tense: In addition, studying away from home benefits the students' personalities. The absence of family and its comfort zone teaches the students the value of responsibility.

Maybe it is just my personal preference, but the present tense form seems easier to read and more direct and convincing.