Ielts Writing: Can anyone correct and score my writing, please?

[Milki98529]

People use the computers when they work, go banking and, but somebody argue that it will make the people isolate and decrease social skills. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

With the development of society and technology, computer is one of the greatest inventions during 20th century. It brings convenience to people and makes the daily tasks easier. In comparison, the opposites argue that computer gives a certain level of impacts on people. This essay will explore both sides of the argument and present my perspective.
In this modernised society, computer plays a relatively mandatory role as its advantages help people to achieve a more comfortable living standard. First, it brings great convenience to people’s work and live. For example, a variety of computer softwares, such as Microsoft Office assist people with numerous work tasks. It simplifies the work procedures and files all fragmentary documents. Besides, computer enhances time efficiency, for instance people can use e-banking to handle enormous payments and transactions in one time. It saves much valuable and precious time from lining up in a bank.
On the other hand, many arguments arouse to against the use of computer because computer has detrimental influence on one’s social skill. In nowadays workplace, people usually contact their colleagues in non-verbal way, like email or fax. It reduces the opportunity to communicate with each other face to face. Therefore, social interaction would be underdeveloped and limited. Moreover, one’s interpersonal skill will be harmed because of excessive self-centredness and inflexibility. Since some people spend too much time on the computer, they would be easier addicted in its virtual world. As a consequent, it eradicates the time to get along with their family. Inadequate communication with family members may worse the relationship and the gap among each other may be even wider.
To sum up, although computer provides tremendous benefits to people’s works and daily live, it is inevitable deteriorating one’s sociable skill and make the person being isolated by his friends and family. Therefore, I deem that people should not be heavily dependent on computer, but rather spend more time to communicate with their family and colleagues.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a student and her coach

[Katty2010]

With the development of society and technology, computer is one of the greatest inventions during 20th century. It brings convenience to people and makes the daily tasks easier. In comparison, the opposites argue that computer gives a certain level of impacts on people. This essay will explore both sides of the argument and present my perspective.
In this modernised society, computer plays a relatively mandatory role as its advantages help people to achieve a more comfortable living standard. First, it brings great convenience to people’s work and live. For example, a variety of computer softwares, such as Microsoft Office assistS people with numerous work tasks. It simplifies the work procedures and files all fragmentary documents. Besides, computer enhances time efficiency, for instance people can use e-banking to handle enormous payments and transactions in one time. It saves much valuable and precious time from lining up in a bank.
On the other hand, many arguments arIse to against the use of computer because computer has detrimental influence on one’s social skill. In nowadays workplace, people usually contact their colleagues in non-verbal way, like email or fax. It reduces the opportunity to communicate with each other face to face. Therefore, social interaction would be underdeveloped and limited. Moreover, one’s interpersonal skill will be harmed because of excessive self-centredness and inflexibility. Since some people spend too much time on the computer, they would be easier addicted in its virtual world. As a consequent, it eradicates the time to get along with their family. Inadequate communication with family members may worse the relationship and the gap among each other may be even wider.
To sum up, although computer provides tremendous benefits to people’s works and daily liFe, it is inevitablY deteriorating one’s sociable skill and makING A person MORE ISOLATED being isolated by his friends and family. Therefore, I deem that people should not be heavily dependent on computer, but rather spend more time to communicate with their family and colleagues.

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Good Essay.
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[Milki98529]

Thank you so much for your correction, much appreciate!!!
So do you mean that, I should also include the comparison betweem present and past life?