 #3 (permalink) Thu May 26, 2011 3:46 am Re: Seniority or Performace ? |
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Hi, You have written a pretty good essay, but some of your sentences sound awkward to me. Maybe trying to write simpler, more direct sentences will help make your essay easier to understand. Let me know if you have any questions about my comments below.
| Quang72 wrote: |
Life is not a competition but we have to try our best to obtain the life to the full.{"live life to the fullest"}
There are many persons [who] hold a deeply belief{s} that it is better to consider our
promotions by looking at the seniority. Personally, I claim that performance is
the key factor that decides the success of an organization by some following
reasons.{Try to make your thesis statement stronger}
First and foremost, the justice is vital in working area{"in the workplace"}. People tend to
consider{measure the} ability of an employee by looking at his/her experience. However, the
age of working {years of experience are} is not everything. To insurance{For instance}, if we have an employee, who
have {has}been working for our company for ten or twenty years, but he or she could
not work effectively anymore. {This is not a complete sentence} Then, Is it fair the{that} we give them [a] higher location{position}?
Take another situation for example. There is a new staff [member], he just come to[worked for] our
company for a year, but he work like he cannot work anymore tomorrow{"he works like there is no tomorrow"}, and the
customer is satisfied after talking to him as well. Should we give him more [a]
generous salary and better position?
Above all, In my point of view, every company owner [should] have one common
slogan that {:} "Performance, profits, and customer joys{satisfied customers} are the things we need".
How can you give an old[more senior] staff [member] more amount money without performance?
Although you [may] have [been] associated with us for a long time, we cannot continue with
you anymore if you don not make us any profit. At that time, It seems clear to me
that what is better we to choice a person for high promotions? What about you?{These sentences are awkward}
In general, affection{good relations} with your long time staff is important. However, to be honest,
performance is very important to consider about an employee. {This conclusion is very weak - try to restate your thesis statement in the conclusion}
TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture in biology class |
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 Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2134
Location: Nashville TN, USA
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