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#2 (permalink) Fri Apr 07, 2006 17:18 pm Essay: "Teachers should be paid according to..." |
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Hi rorrim,
I have made some changes using capital letters:
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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn.
It goes without saying that A teacher is one of the most important (chain) links IN THE CONNECTION between students and knowledge. Teachers provide (the pure knowledge transportation) THE CONVEYANCE OF PURE KNOWLEDGE into our minds, so I think they can be (estimated) REGARDED as (“transmitting devices”) THE MEANS OF CONVEYING THIS KNOWLEDGE and should be paid according to THE AMOUNT OF INFORMATION THEY CONVEY (a volume of the transferred information). The statement mentioned in the topic is very difficult to prove or deny. Unfortunately, there are a lot of negligent students and a fair amount of teachers who are indifferent to their pupils and their ( successful studying) SUCCESS IN STUDYING. It is obvious that there must be a stimulus which will raise teachers’ efforts in students’ perception. On the other hand, there must be another facet of this. Not only should the teachers have (had) THE stimulus but also the students. Even a top-notch teacher will not be able to get knowledge into the head of the person who is not interested in (information gaining) ACQUIRING INFORMATION. Nevertheless, there is one more problem, — overcrowded classes. The teacher can not simply find time for all pupils and their problems. I think that our educational system needs some changes, for example, a decrease in the number of students in the groups and an increase in the number of teachers. We face (with) the next problem: how can we fix the price of teacher labor according to how much his students learn? We need some sort of scales, a lot of initial, intermediate and final exams and surveys in order to figure out these prices. It will be a real pain in the neck for teachers and students, but I consider that this way of performance evaluation will improve our educational system and the level of students’ knowledge. |
This is quite good but try to write more simply and don't use too many abstract points.
Alan _________________ English as a Second Language You can read my ESL story Present Simple |
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Alan Co-founder

Joined: 27 Sep 2003 Posts: 13887 Location: UK
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#3 (permalink) Tue Jan 19, 2010 10:20 am Teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn. |
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Hi Sir, I am studying Toefl and i don't know how to improve my writting skil. Could you help me? I wrote many essays but i wonder whether they are good or bad. I sent an essay and hope you will help me
Films can tell us a lot about the country where they were made. What have you learned about a country from watching its movies? Use specific examples and details to support your response.
In modern society, means of communication is widen with cell phones, networking, televisions….Especially, people like watching movies which was made from different countries on televisions. Each films has distinct contend and special features. We can learn a lot from films of other countries such as culture, history, humanity, etc. Firstly, movies show us those countries’ culture. Moviegoers were attracted to various customs, social or cultural environment on films. When we do not have enough money and time to travel abroad, watching movie is a good way to help us approach culture on the world. It is so easy and convenient, what we do is sitting at home and seeing television. For instance, by watching American films, I know what food people eat, what they often do in holiday, how they live, etc. Secondly, movies can reflect a country’s history. Historical films contain different historical processes such as wars, struggle for peace or old dynasties. Especially, Vietnam has a lot of historical movies about struggle for independence to tell the world that our battle is right and require support of the world. Furthermore, watching historical films, we can broaden our knowledge and understanding other countries. Thirdly, by watching movies, we also know humanity of people from different countries. For examples, Americans are optimistic, active, enthusiastic in doing anything and live alone early while Asians are often shy, unselfconfident and depend on their parents so much. Asians will learn positive attitude and lifestyle of Americans to live better. In conclusion, people can learn a lot of films from different nations and it is easy to help us approach cultures all over the world. |
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Shairlyn2612 New Member
Joined: 19 Jan 2010 Posts: 2
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#4 (permalink) Tue Jan 19, 2010 11:03 am Teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn. |
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Hi Shairlyn,
I have made some amendments in CAPITAL letters:
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I am studying Toefl and i don't know how to improve my WRITING SKILLS. Could you help me? I wrote/HAVE WRITTEN many essays but I wonder whether they are good or bad. I HAVE sent an essay and hope you will help me
Films can tell us a lot about the country where they were made. What have you learned about a country from watching its movies? Use specific examples and details to support your response.
In modern society, means of communication is/HAS widenED with cell phones, networking, televisions….Especially, people like watching movies which WERE made from different countries on televisions. Each film has distinct contenTS and special features. We can learn a lot from films of other countries such as culture, history, humanity, etc. Firstly, movies show us those countries’ culture. Moviegoers were attracted to various customs, social or cultural environment on films. When we do not have enough money and time to travel abroad, watching A movie is a good way to help us approach culture In the world. It is so easy and convenient, what we do is sitting at home and seeing television. For instance, by watching American films, I know what food people eat, what they often do in/ON holiday, how they live, etc. Secondly, movies can reflect a country’s history. Historical films contain different historical processes such as wars, struggle for peace or old dynasties. Especially, Vietnam has a lot of historical movies about THE struggle for independence to tell the world that our battle is right and requireS THE support of the world. Furthermore, watching historical films, we can broaden our knowledge and understanding OF other countries. Thirdly, by watching movies, we also know/LEARN ABOUT THE humanity of people from different countries. For example, Americans are optimistic, active, enthusiastic in doing anything and live alone early while Asians are often shy, unselfconfident and depend on their parents so much. Asians will learn THE positive attitude and lifestyle of Americans to live better. In conclusion, people can learn a lot FROM films from different nations and it is easy to help us approach cultures all over the world. |
This is well written and argued. Two points to pay attention to: 1) Make sure when you have a singular subject, you use a singular verb form The same with plural subjects and plural verb forms.
2) Check the use of the definite article. I have written some notes on this for the site:
http://www.english-test.net/lessons/16/index.html
Alan _________________ English as a Foreign Language You can read my EFL story Progressive Forms |
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Alan Co-founder

Joined: 27 Sep 2003 Posts: 13887 Location: UK
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#5 (permalink) Tue Jan 19, 2010 13:03 pm Teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn. |
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Hi, 'In modern society, means of communication is/HAS widenED with cell phones, networking, televisions'
'In modern societies, means of communication is/HAS widenED with cell phones, networking, televisions' or 'In a modern society, means of communication is/HAS widenED with cell phones, networking, televisions'
I prefer to choose the first one, because it sounds more interesting.
Kind regards - Mixmixi _________________ Let's make a deal; I'll correct every single one of your grammatical mistakes AND YOU DO THE SAME FAVOUR FOR ME. |
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Mixmixi I'm here quite often ;-)

Joined: 21 Dec 2009 Posts: 710 Location: A better place to be
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