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Can someone grade my My First Essay: Television is not good for kids?



 
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ESL Forum | Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and essay samples collection
Question in TOEFL® listening exercises: lecture 10 | Discuss pros and cons of TV advertisment. Please help me check my essay!
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Can someone grade my My First Essay: Television is not good for kids? #1 (permalink) Sat Jun 04, 2011 0:55 am   Can someone grade my My First Essay: Television is not good for kids?
 

TELEVISION-THE CULPRIT
I approbate the fact that television augments the risks of kids getting isolated. The statistics have been clear enough of the deteriorating the number of kids in high spirits.

In India, every age group of children is engrossed by the television. Be it the primary students or teenagers. But the fact remains that they are devoting much of the time in watching programs that not only has a bad influence on their personality but also its adversaries include in fatal problems regarding brain, cervical and eye sights.

Television is a repository that can be extremely useful for one’s development overall and on the other hand it can raze one completely depriving them of basics mentality, but the former can be achieved only by a little guidance. And this is exactly what doesn’t happen in India; it is a huge disappointment that kids get indulged in watching TV to the extent which is malicious resulting in long term personality disorders.

The channels like Discovery, News and Sports are neglected and rather vain serials and cartoons are prevailing. This keeps the youth in dark, and they form there fantasy around this idiot box. To them it is that their world is complete but in reality since its not so, they are harmed when they grow up.

Even they get in a habit of not being able to control themselves and this leads to hypertensions at a very young age. Small brats behave abhorrently if they are asked to switch off the TV, or asked to go out and work out. They rather prefer in staying indoors because their mind has become languid.

One has to realize the significance of favorable use of television and should be able to extract benefits from it. Rather than letting it has control on us. Since every thing has its pros and cons, only one has to have the perceptive to manage it intellectually.

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Question in TOEFL® listening exercises: lecture 10 | Discuss pros and cons of TV advertisment. Please help me check my essay!
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