seek help to rate my essay: focus budget more on very young children education

[Juliezhang]

For successful development of a country, should a government focus it's budget more on very young children education rather than on university?(my first time hand up my essay, many thanks!!)
People always say that children are the aspiration of a country, as they will take the responsibility of the society when they grow up in the future. Therefore, the education for very young children should be taken into consideration.
A large amount of money should be put into young children’s education. It’s very important to provide a rather safer environment for children’s growing up. Younger as they are, it’s very easy and common that they would do some self-destruction and hurt others unconsciously. Therefore, enough money should be ensured to set up fundamental facilities for them. Also, we should pay our attention to their morality and education, which could lead to various outcomes in children’s future. If there are lack of the right directions on children to become a righteous person because of the shortage of the budget, it will make bad effect on children’s growing up. In return, they would commit crime when they grow up, which is not benefit for country’s development.
In addition, it’s worth taking a large investment on university. Universities undertake the due obligations for high-level education. That means it is the university that provide a country with well-educated people, who can keep their jobs and excel at them, which can’t be ignored for the country’s development. Therefore, the budget on education for university students is necessary. Besides, the university plays a very significant part of human’s invention. It’s mostly like that the most advanced high-tech laboratories are found in universities, so large money should be taken for the science research. If these investments on research are not enough, it would take disadvantages of these inventions, which are help for people’s daily life. As a result, it could hinder the improvement of the society.
As far as I’m concerned, for a better development of a country, the government should focus both on very young children’s education and on universities. It’s better for a government to find a sound distribution on both sides, and the wonderful result is coming.

TOEFL listening lectures: When was Angkor Wat constructed?

[Katty2010]

People always say that children are the aspiration of a country, as they will take the responsibility of the society when they grow up in the future. Therefore, the education for very young children should be taken into consideration.

A large amount of money should be put into young children’s education. It’s very important to provide a rather safer environment for children’s growing up. Younger as they are, it’s very easy and common that they would do some self-destruction and hurt others unconsciously. Therefore, enough money should be ensured to set up fundamental facilities for them. Also, we should pay our attention to their morality and education, which could lead to various outcomes in children’s future. If there are lack of the right directions on children to become a righteous person because of the shortage of the budget, it will make bad effect on children’s growing up. In return, they would commit crime when they grow up, which is not benefit for country’s development.

In addition, it’s worth taking a large investment on university. Universities undertake the due obligations for high-level education. That means it is the university that provide a country with well-educated people, who can keep their jobs and excel at them, which can’t be ignored for the country’s development. Therefore, the budget on education for university students is necessary. Besides, the university plays a very significant part of human’s invention. It’s mostly like that the most advanced high-tech laboratories are found in universities, so large money should be taken for the science research. If these investments on research are not enough, it would take disadvantages of these inventions, which are help for people’s daily life. As a result, it could hinder the improvement of the society.

As far as I’m concerned, for a better development of a country, the government should focus both on very young children’s education and on universities. It’s better for a government to find a sound distribution on both sides, FOR A BETTER FUTURE OF A COUNTRY, and the wonderful result is coming.
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Just a confused kid... trying to live through twists & turns of life!
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Everything Is Temporary!

[Juliezhang]

many thanks for your reply.. yeah, i have a twisted logic in my writing... you mean, you cannot take my point..or i have serious problems in my describing method ?
what do i need to do to improve writing..?

[Katty2010]

Your writing seems well. Your logic seems fine. Just always make sure to go through your essay once you have written it. Also read more often so that you can write well. Goodluck :)
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Just a confused kid... trying to live through twists & turns of life!
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Everything Is Temporary!