TOPIC: Compare and contrast the advantages of choosing a stable career

[Vilma78]

Dear professors or evaluaters, may someone evaluate my essay? I have to retake TOEFL exam soon. Thank you for your time,
Vilma

TOPIC: Compare and contrast the advantages of choosing a stable career
over an adventurous lifestyle. Use reasons and specific example to
support your opinion.

As a grown up individual, I feel, a promising career is perhaps the
prime requirement of one's life. In my opinion a stable career is
several times better than a lifestyle which offers adventure alone. It
is not necessary that we lead a dull life with a routine job. On the
contrary, if we learn to manage our time schedule effectively we can
pack adventure, fun and work all together in our daily lives.

To begin with, only when a person is free of
responsibilities is he able to lead life on his own terms. Deriving
thrills out of every act might be the greatest source of pleasure. At
that time adventure and fun might be his only concerns. In his youth a
person naturally tends to be carefree and is attracted towards
glamorous and not-so-simple things in life.

Secondly, eventually as one matures and faces harsh realities of life
he yearns for a consistent stress free source of income to meet his
day to day requirements. As a person raises a family and his needs
increase, this desire for a stable life-pattern further strengthens.
While an adventurous lifestyle would fascinate and last for only a
short span, a stable career goes a long way in shaping a person's life.
One can only derive sheer pleasure out of adventure but cannot feed
himself with that pleasure. To survive one needs certain basic
requirements like food, shelter, and clothing which can only be fulfilled
by a continuous source of income.

To conclude, I would like to say that undoubtedly, “variety is the
spice of life" and although adventure, fun and glamour will definitely help
us enjoy our lives, the prime requisite of a stable career is essential.

TOEFL listening lectures: Who are not included as members of the Underground Railroad?

[Luschen]

I think your essay is very well written with very few grammatical mistakes. I think your essay structure could be better. The usual essay structure is to use each body paragraph to flesh out an individual argument supporting your thesis. Your first body paragraph doesn't really do that. Your next body paragraph seems to have too many arguments in it. I would divide your third paragraph and expand each argument.

Vilma78 wrote:
Dear professors or evaluaters, may someone evaluate my essay? I have to retake TOEFL exam soon. Thank you for your time,
Vilma

TOPIC: Compare and contrast the advantages of choosing a stable career
over an adventurous lifestyle. Use reasons and specific example to
support your opinion.

As a grown up individual[an adult], I feel,{no comma} a promising career is perhaps the
prime requirement{not really a requirement, maybe goal or objective} of one's life. In my opinion a stable career is
several times better than a lifestyle which offers adventure alone. It
is not necessary that we lead a dull life with a routine job. On the
contrary, if we learn to manage our time schedule effectively we can
pack adventure, fun and work all together in our daily lives.

To begin with, only when a person is free of
responsibilities is he able to lead life on his own terms. Deriving
thrills out of every act might be the{"his" would be better} greatest source of pleasure. At
that time adventure and fun might be his only concerns. In his youth a
person naturally tends to be carefree and is attracted towards
glamorous and not-so-simple things in life. {I didn't really understand the point of this paragraph at first - try to stress that this is a temporary goal - a carefree life for the young and not realistic for fully mature adults }

Secondly, eventually as one matures and faces [the] harsh realities of life
he yearns for a consistent stress free{stress-free} source of income to meet his
day to day{day-to-day} requirements. As a person raises a family and his needs
increase, this desire for a stable life-pattern further strengthens.
While an adventurous lifestyle would fascinate and last for only a
short span, a stable career goes a long way in shaping a person's life.
One can only derive sheer pleasure out of adventure but cannot feed
himself with that pleasure. To survive one needs certain basic
requirements like food, shelter, and clothing which can only be fulfilled
by a continuous source of income.

To conclude, I would like to say that undoubtedly, “variety is the
spice of life" and although adventure, fun and glamour will definitely help
us enjoy our lives, the prime requisite of a stable career is essential.
Luschen
I'm here quite often ;-)

Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 240
Location: Nashville TN, USA
Display posts from previous: