Please rate my TOEFL® Essay on Zoo Purpose

[Jura]

TOEFL Essay

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A zoo has no useful purpose. Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.

It would be unfair to say zoos do not have any purpose in the society. A zoo is not just about animals, birds or aqua life to be in cages or tanks but it is for children to learn, for animal lovers, and for the care and protection of wild life.

The first thing that comes to mind with the word “zoo” is a child. Children learn about wildlife in school by looking at the pictures of different kinds of animals, birds, and fishes. They also learn about their way of behavior from listening to their voices either in movies or in audio format. But children can only experience what they have learnt by seeing an animal, a bird or may be a fish in real life. And what better place can be, than a Zoo? We cannot take small children to jungles and wait for a lion or a tiger to appear in silent motion and have children see them. A zoo is a place where children can learn about the animals and experience fishes, sharks and other water living creatures in aquariums, as aquariums are sometimes a part of zoo. Children can experience both land and water living creatures at one place and understand the difference is living behaviors of these creatures.

People who love animals, but cannot have them as pets can purse their career in animal studies and take up jobs at different Zoological Associations. Another reason for having a zoo is people who love animals and are associated with research studies on animals can complete their research in zoos, build and maintained by Zoo Associations as some of them allow research programs. During the research programs or on job these people also can get a chance to visit zoos in different countries. There are also several forums on the web that people can participate in for their learning and gaining knowledge on animal study.

Wild animals cannot be good pets. The place for wild animals can be jungles and zoos. In zoos animals are under proper care and protection. Not all their needs can be taken care in captivity because of the artificial atmospheric conditions, however animals and water living creatures are provided with proper shelter, food and medication. Small mammals like rabbits, which are hunted by larger animals like lions and tigers, and sometimes humans are benefited when they are in zoos.

Having zoos serve a meaningful purpose for the society, which includes children, animal lovers, and of course the animals. Children can learn from these zoos, animal lovers can purse their love and liking for animals with animal study and taking up jobs in zoos. And finally, animals receive attention of the society, proper care, and protection.

[Alan]

Hi Jura,

I have made some changes in capital letters:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A zoo has no useful purpose. Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.

It would be unfair to say zoos do not have any purpose in the /NO ARTICLE society. A zoo is not just about animals, birds or aquaTIC life to be/BEING in cages or tanks but it is for children to learn FROM, for animal lovers, and for the care and protection of wild life.

The first thing that comes to mind with the word “zoo” is a child. Children learn about wildlife in school by looking at the pictures of different kinds of animals, birds, and fishes. They also learn about their way of behavior from listening to their voices either in movies or in audio format. But children can only experience what they have learnt by seeing an animal, a bird or maybe a fish in real life. And what better place can THERE be, than a Zoo? We cannot take small children to jungles and wait for a lion or a tiger to appear in silent motion and have children see them. A zoo is a place where children can learn about the animals and experience fishes, sharks and other water living creatures in aquariums, as aquariums are sometimes a part of A zoo. Children can experience both land and water living creatures at/IN one place and understand the difference is living behaviors of these creatures.

People who love animals, but cannot have them as pets can purse/PURSUE their career in animal studies and take up jobs at different Zoological Associations. Another reason for having a zoo is people who love animals and are associated with research studies on animals can complete their research in zoos, build /BUILT and maintained by Zoo Associations as some of them allow research programs. During the research programs or on THE job these people also can get a chance to visit zoos in different countries. There are also several forums on the web that people can participate in for their learning and gaining knowledge on animal study.

Wild animals cannot be good pets. The place for wild animals can be jungles and zoos. In zoos/ZOO animals are under proper care and protection. Not all their needs can be taken care/CATERED FOR in captivity because of the artificial atmospheric conditions, however animals and water living creatures are provided with proper shelter, food and medication. Small mammals like rabbits, which are hunted by larger animals like lions and tigers, and sometimes humans are benefited /BENEFITwhen they are in zoos.

Having zoos serveS a meaningful purpose for the/NO ARTICLE society, which includes children, animal lovers, and of course the /NO ARTICLE animals. Children can learn from these zoos, animal lovers can purse/PURSUE their love and liking for animals with animal study and taking up jobs in zoos. And finally, animals receive attention of the FROM SOCIETY society, proper care, and protection.

This is well written. Have a look at the material I've written for the site under the heading esl lessons and in the index you will see something about the English Articles :: 'the' vs. 'a/an'.

Alan
_________________
English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story In short

[Jura]

Thanks Alan for the having a look at making corrections.

How much would you rate this at keeping 0 - 5 scale?

Thanks,

JURA

[Alan]

Hi Jura,

I would say 3.5

Alan
_________________
English as a Foreign Language
You can read my EFL story Are you a Persuader?