Please rate my TOEFL® Essay on Zoo Purpose

[Jura]

TOEFL Essay

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A zoo has no useful purpose. Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.

It would be unfair to say zoos do not have any purpose in the society. A zoo is not just about animals, birds or aqua life to be in cages or tanks but it is for children to learn, for animal lovers, and for the care and protection of wild life.

The first thing that comes to mind with the word “zoo” is a child. Children learn about wildlife in school by looking at the pictures of different kinds of animals, birds, and fishes. They also learn about their way of behavior from listening to their voices either in movies or in audio format. But children can only experience what they have learnt by seeing an animal, a bird or may be a fish in real life. And what better place can be, than a Zoo? We cannot take small children to jungles and wait for a lion or a tiger to appear in silent motion and have children see them. A zoo is a place where children can learn about the animals and experience fishes, sharks and other water living creatures in aquariums, as aquariums are sometimes a part of zoo. Children can experience both land and water living creatures at one place and understand the difference is living behaviors of these creatures.

People who love animals, but cannot have them as pets can purse their career in animal studies and take up jobs at different Zoological Associations. Another reason for having a zoo is people who love animals and are associated with research studies on animals can complete their research in zoos, build and maintained by Zoo Associations as some of them allow research programs. During the research programs or on job these people also can get a chance to visit zoos in different countries. There are also several forums on the web that people can participate in for their learning and gaining knowledge on animal study.

Wild animals cannot be good pets. The place for wild animals can be jungles and zoos. In zoos animals are under proper care and protection. Not all their needs can be taken care in captivity because of the artificial atmospheric conditions, however animals and water living creatures are provided with proper shelter, food and medication. Small mammals like rabbits, which are hunted by larger animals like lions and tigers, and sometimes humans are benefited when they are in zoos.

Having zoos serve a meaningful purpose for the society, which includes children, animal lovers, and of course the animals. Children can learn from these zoos, animal lovers can purse their love and liking for animals with animal study and taking up jobs in zoos. And finally, animals receive attention of the society, proper care, and protection.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture in Biology

[Alan]

Hi Jura,

I have made some changes in capital letters:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A zoo has no useful purpose. Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.

It would be unfair to say zoos do not have any purpose in the /NO ARTICLE society. A zoo is not just about animals, birds or aquaTIC life to be/BEING in cages or tanks but it is for children to learn FROM, for animal lovers, and for the care and protection of wild life.

The first thing that comes to mind with the word “zoo” is a child. Children learn about wildlife in school by looking at the pictures of different kinds of animals, birds, and fishes. They also learn about their way of behavior from listening to their voices either in movies or in audio format. But children can only experience what they have learnt by seeing an animal, a bird or maybe a fish in real life. And what better place can THERE be, than a Zoo? We cannot take small children to jungles and wait for a lion or a tiger to appear in silent motion and have children see them. A zoo is a place where children can learn about the animals and experience fishes, sharks and other water living creatures in aquariums, as aquariums are sometimes a part of A zoo. Children can experience both land and water living creatures at/IN one place and understand the difference is living behaviors of these creatures.

People who love animals, but cannot have them as pets can purse/PURSUE their career in animal studies and take up jobs at different Zoological Associations. Another reason for having a zoo is people who love animals and are associated with research studies on animals can complete their research in zoos, build /BUILT and maintained by Zoo Associations as some of them allow research programs. During the research programs or on THE job these people also can get a chance to visit zoos in different countries. There are also several forums on the web that people can participate in for their learning and gaining knowledge on animal study.

Wild animals cannot be good pets. The place for wild animals can be jungles and zoos. In zoos/ZOO animals are under proper care and protection. Not all their needs can be taken care/CATERED FOR in captivity because of the artificial atmospheric conditions, however animals and water living creatures are provided with proper shelter, food and medication. Small mammals like rabbits, which are hunted by larger animals like lions and tigers, and sometimes humans are benefited /BENEFITwhen they are in zoos.

Having zoos serveS a meaningful purpose for the/NO ARTICLE society, which includes children, animal lovers, and of course the /NO ARTICLE animals. Children can learn from these zoos, animal lovers can purse/PURSUE their love and liking for animals with animal study and taking up jobs in zoos. And finally, animals receive attention of the FROM SOCIETY society, proper care, and protection.

This is well written. Have a look at the material I've written for the site under the heading esl lessons and in the index you will see something about the English Articles :: 'the' vs. 'a/an'.

Alan
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English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Present Simple

[Jura]

Thanks Alan for the having a look at making corrections.

How much would you rate this at keeping 0 - 5 scale?

Thanks,

JURA

[Alan]

Hi Jura,

I would say 3.5

Alan
_________________
English as a Foreign Language
You can read my EFL story Progressive Forms

[Farzadbeheshti]

Please rate my TOEFL essay on Children should not have to work or help with household tasks, their only responsibility should be to study. DO you agree or disagree

Working hard is the only way to make prosperity and achieve your goals in the life. Clearly, encouraging the children to do some of the tasks at home increases their sense of responsibility to do their other jobs as well including their study. It is not believed that the only responsibility of children is studying. Children should not be forced to study hard. They should be encouraged to do their tasks at home. Working at home increases the sense of independence, confidence, and sociability.

First of all, accepting some responsibility at home inspires the sense of independency of children. It proves to children that they are capable to perform the task without the assist of their parents. For example, asking the children to organize their room gives the children the feeling that they are themselves who are responsible to prepare a suitable environment in their room and it gives the children the sense of independency and creativity. Obviously, asking the children to concentrate only on their study can not cultivate the power of their independency and thus mentality and creativity. As a result Working but not studying leads the children to more success in their life and also in their study by incresing their ability of independency.

Furthermore, children who share in the household tasks have shown more self-confidence in their interaction with others. For instance, Children who help their mother to clean the rooms under the supervision and encouragement of their parents learn how to do their job as best and this experience increases their reliability and confidence. Undoubtedly, only studying can not work as a incentive for children to work well and increase their trustability. Hence, Cooperative children at homes have the opportunity to prove themselves to be dependable not only in their duties but also in their study.

At last, responsible children demonstrate themselves as sociable persons who are capable to communicate to others easier in comparison with others in similar age. As an illustration, demanding the children to accompany you in buying and providing some of the daily necessities of home, helps the children to practice to communicate with people outside the home in groceries, and other shops. Surely, no one can experience getting along with people in books and by studying. So, working of children in home has another benefit to test the power of their communication with others.

In conclusion, I want to emphasize that there are criteria in the life which are demanded to make victories, none of them can be achieved by studying hard but by working. Children can develop their points of view in the life by accepting some of the duties and obligation in the home. They can attain higher degree of independence, confidence, and sociability by working in home.

[NguyenTrg]

Farza, you must create you own new topic and post your essay there, not below other's works. And remember topic title. Please read some new topics here to note the way we students usually do. Then Teacher Kitos will help you to correct your essay.

Happy New Year to you and your family.
Nguyen-Kitos'henchman ;)
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