Please rate my essay: teenagers have jobs whiles they are still students

[Karnwadee]

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Please rate my essay and help me fix the errors.
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In some countries, teenagers have jobs whiles they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

Nowadays, teenagers in some countries have more responsibilities apart from study in school by having jobs. Some people think it’s not a good idea to do that because it can distract them from their education but in my point of view, having jobs while they are student is very beneficial for them as following reasons

To begin with, they will gain income by themselves in the early stage of life. Thus, they will proud of themselves and realize the value of money which they earn by working hard and they will not spend money extravagantly. In contrast, if they earn money by just asking from their parents , which is an easy way to gain money so they will not know the value of money and spend money without thinking. In addition, if they come from poor families ,they will use the income from work as a budget for their education or even help their parents to solve family’s financial problem .

Secondly, they will have more responsibilities and know how to manage their time .As a student ,they have to utilize their time effectively for studying in school, working , doing homework ,reading and so on to avoid bad effects to their study ,moreover they will respect time since they have to go to work on time otherwise it will affect other persons or the business. These will make them to be responsible persons.

To finish with, they will gain work experience which they can’t find in the school .They will know how to work as a team or they will learn how to deal with customers moreover they will practice their patience in both physical and mental .These are significant factors in the future career .

In the conclusion, I strongly support students to have a job while they are still students. Not only for financial reason but also for having more responsibilities and work experience.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why did the professor ask to see the student?