Help me to check my essay. Thanks ~

[Betty2011]

Do you agree or disagree: in order to be success, it is better to be like others than to be different from everybody else

In today's society, there is always a heat debate about whether it is better to be like others than to be different from everybody else to achieve success. I agree that it is good for us to be like others sometimes, but in some other cases, being different from others is also very important for us to achieve success.

First of all, it is very common for us to see that many people fails to achieve success through imitating others and being different is just the right way for you to success. For example, almost all the online shops which sell clothes are similar and sometimes they even sell the same kind of clothes, so it seems hard for them to earn more profits than others. However, some shops, in order to distinguish themselves with others and earn more profits, design their websites with a lot of original characteristics and they even write some stories for the clothes. Therefore people feel very fresh to visit these websites and as a result to buy more clothes in these shops. So sometimes it is good for us to make some changes to achieve success.

However, in many other cases, it is better for us to be like others rather than to be different from other people. If we do not have enough knowledge and experience, it will be very hard for us to achieve success in a different way and you can get a lot of useful experience through the process of doing the same thing like others. For example, it is very common in today’s society that a lot of people want to build their own companies but only a few succeed, the reason why so many people fail to do it is that they do not have enough experience to realize how to run a successful company. Only those who have gained enough knowledge and information by working as employees in other companies can finally achieve success.

Moreover, doing our works like others also makes us solve our problems more easily. We can make a lot of friends during this process. So we can solve some difficult problems that may hard for us to do it alone. Besides, we can get more information and knowledge during this process and this is very beneficial for us to become success.

To sum up, it is good for us to be like others to achieve success when we do not have many experience and knowledge, but when we learn enough knowledge and experience, it will be easier for us to success if we make some changes.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a university student and an employee in the university registrar's office

[Katty2010]

In today's society, there is always a heatED debate about whether it is better to be like others than to be different from everybody else to achieve success. I agree that it is good for us to be like others sometimes, but in some other cases, being different from others is also very important for us to achieve success.

First of all, it is very common for us to see that many people fails to achieve success through imitating others and being different is just the right way for you to ATTAIN success. For example, almost all the online shops which sell clothes are similar and sometimes they even sell the same kind of clothes, so it seems hard for them to earn more profits than others. However, some shops, in order to distinguish themselves with others and earn more profits, design their websites with a lot of original characteristics and they even write some stories for the clothes. Therefore people feel very fresh to visit these websites and as a result to buy more clothes in these shops. So sometimes it is good for us to make some changes to achieve success.

However, in many other cases, it is better for us to be like others rather than to be different from other people. If we do not have enough knowledge and experience, it will be very hard for us to achieve success in a different way and you can get a lot of useful experience through the process of doing the same thing like others. For example, it is very common in today’s society that a lot of people want to build their own companies but only a few succeed, the reason why so many people fail to do it is that they do not have enough experience to realize how to run a successful company. Only those who have gained enough knowledge and information by working as employees in other companies can finally achieve success.

Moreover, doing our works like others also makes us solve our problems more easily. We can make a lot of friends during this process. So we can solve some difficult problems that may BE hard for us SOLVE to do it alone. Besides, we can get more information and knowledge during this process and this is very beneficial for us to become success.

To sum up, it is good for us to be like others to achieve success when we do not have many experience and knowledge, it will be easier for us to succeED if we make some changes.

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I am sorry for late reply Betty. I tried checking your essay this afternoon but I couldnt login due to some technical problems on this websiite.
8/10
Read often so you can write better. Work a little more on your sentence structure. Goodluck!
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Just a confused kid... trying to live through twists & turns of life!
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Everything Is Temporary!

[Betty2011]

Thank you katty, I'll work harder~

[Betty2011]

Thank you katty, but I still have some questions, this sentence "So we can solve some difficult problems that may BE hard for us SOLVE (to do it) alone.", I think we need to add a "to" before the SOLVE, so the right sentense should be "So we can solve some difficult problems that may BE hard for us (to) SOLVE alone.", do you agree with me? and I don't know whether it is necessory to add a " them" behind the "SOLVE", can you help me?

[Beeesneees]

The 'to' is needed, the 'them' isn't.
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Cheers m' dears!

[Betty2011]

thank you, I think I got it