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TOEFLŪ essay samples: Businesses should hire employees for their entire lives



 
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TOEFL essay samples: Businesses should hire employees for their entire lives #1 (permalink) Mon Apr 24, 2006 14:54 pm   TOEFL essay samples: Businesses should hire employees for their entire lives
 

Alan, request you to please review and rate my essay.

Thanks, JURA.

TOEFL Topic:
Businesses should hire employees for their entire lives. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Answer:

If businesses hired employees for their entire lives it would be a disadvantage both for the business and the employees. Some of the reasons to consider would be business growth, current employee growth, and young talent growth.

Firstly, it would be a major disadvantage for the businesses to hire employees for their entire lives. The business growth will be affected in the coming years as the employees are aware that their job is secure and they will not work efficiently the way they would if the employees knew that employee growth is depend on the efficiency of their work and not to the tenure of their employment in a specific business.

Secondly, it would be a disadvantage to the employees if they were hired by a business for their entire life. Employees will be less motivated towards their job role and this would definitely affect their performance and professional growth. Employees who are more talented and ready to take up responsibilities would suffer when it comes to promotions and monetary gains.

Finally, if the businesses hired the employees for their entire lives the new talents (young people who graduate from universities and colleges) would not get any jobs in the industry until the current employees retire or resign from their jobs. These young and educated people will suffer as they would not get a chance to work and experience the things that they have learned during their education. If these new and young talents would not get an employment they would not be able to earn and support their families.

In conclusion, it would be wise to say that businesses should not hire the employees for their entire lives. The entire lifetime employment approach by businesses would be a disadvantage for business growth, current employee growth and of course for the young talents

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of Social History (2)
Jura
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Joined: 21 Mar 2006
Posts: 9

Businesses should hire employees for their entire lives #2 (permalink) Mon Apr 24, 2006 19:36 pm   Businesses should hire employees for their entire lives
 

Hi jura,

My suggestions in capital letters:

Quote:
If businesses hired employees for their entire lives it would be a disadvantage both for the business and the employees. Some of the reasons to consider would be business growth, current employee growth, and young talent growth.

Firstly, it would be a major disadvantage for the businesses to hire employees for their entire lives. The business growth will/WOULD be affected in the coming years as the employees are/BECAME aware that their job is/WAS secure and they will/WOULD not work efficiently the way they would if the employees knew that employee growth is/WAS dependENTon the efficiency of their work and not to/ON the tenure of their employment in a specific business.

Secondly, it would be a disadvantage to the employees if they were hired by a business for their entire life. Employees will/WOULD be less motivated towards their job role and this would definitely affect their performance and professional growth. Employees who are more talented and ready to take up responsibilities would suffer when it comes to promotions and monetary gains.

Finally, if the businesses hired the employees for their entire lives the new talents (young people who graduate from universities and colleges) would not get any jobs in the industry until the current employees retireD or resignED from their jobs. These young and educated people will/WOULD suffer as they would not get a chance to work and experience the things that they have learned during their education. If these new and young talents would/DID not get anY employment they would not be able to earn and support their families.

In conclusion, it would be wise to say that businesses should not hire the employees for their entire lives. The entire lifetime employment approach by businesses would be a disadvantage for business growth, current employee growth and of course for the young talents



This is quite good but it's a bit confusing because you change between will and would. I suggest you have a look at conditional forms and their use. Perhaps you could look at some material I've written for the site. You'll find it here: Conditionals

Alan
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