please help me assess my essay. I'll appreciate your advice a lot :)

[Bokehaholic]

The expression “Never, never give up” means to keep trying and never stop working for your goals. Do you agree or disagree with this statement ? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Napoleon Bonaparte once said “Victory belongs to the most preserving” and I totally agree with this claim. From the stories of many successful figures in my society and all over the world, I realize that all of them have struggled a lot and made great endeavors before achieving their goals. Hence, I think that when we have strong will and always try to work, we will be successful afterwards.

To begin with, when we have our dreams, we will tend to try our best to achieve them. That is to say, we will practice the necessary skills everyday and thus they will be improved considerably after a long period of time. If you do not practice regularly in a long time, you will probably forget these skills and have to start again. What is more, we are not God and thus we may encounter some problems, even failures in working or studying. Therefore, if we keep trying, we will be able to overcome the difficulties, take a lesson from the fall and go ahead to our goals. The more failure we have, the more experience we gain. As Oprah Winfrey once claimed “Go ahead. Fall down. The world is much different when we look from the ground”. So do not afraid to fall. When we try hard, we will be able to deal with the problems adeptly and properly. Gradually, there is nothing that can hindrance our ways to success.

However, there are some situations that the diligent are not always successful in achieving their goals. The reasons are various. I think the major one is that they do not have suitable and proper methods. For example, there were some senior students in my school regarded as extremely diligent in studying. However, when all of them took the entrance test to the university, some failed. Some professors in my school took this phenomenon into account seriously and found out that the successful had several smart studying methods that they tried to do the harder exercises. In contrast, the failed often did the same kinds of exercises which were not very difficult and complicated when compared to their levels. That is to say, besides being industrious, we also have to be methodical in order to reach our goals.

All in all, it is evident that always keeping trying will lead us to success. During the long time in which you have made great efforts, you can learn a lot of valuable things and gain a great number of useful experiences. Nevertheless, you should bear in mind that you are likely to have a higher chance to reach your goal if you attain proper and smart methods instead of working and studying superfluously and aimlessly for ages.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why is the student talking to the advisor?

[Sabrinayaa]

Napoleon Bonaparte once said “Victory belongs to the most preserving” and I totally agree with this claim. From the stories of many successful figures in my society and all over the world, I realize that all of them have struggled a lot and made great endeavors before achieving their goals. Hence, I think that when we have strong will and always try to work, we will be successful afterwards.

To begin with, when we have our dreams, we will tend to try our best to achieve them. That is to say, we will practice the necessary skills everyday and thus they will be improved considerably after a long period of time. If you do not practice regularly in a long time, you will probably forget these skills and have to start again. What is more, we are not God and thus we may encounter some problems, even THOUGH failures in working or studying. Therefore, if we keep trying, we will be able to overcome the difficulties, take a lesson from the FAILURE THEN go ahead to our goals. The more failure we have, the more experience we WILL gain. As Oprah Winfrey once claimed “Go ahead. Fall down. The world is much different when we look from the ground”. So do not BE afraid OF fall. AS LONG AS we try hard, we will be able to deal with the problems adeptly and properly. Gradually, there is nothing that can hindER our ways to success.

However, there are some situations that the diligent are not always successful in achieving their goals. The reasons are various. I think THE major one is that they do not have suitable and proper methods. For example, there were some senior students in my school regarded as extremely diligent in studying. However, when all of them took the entrance test to the university, some failed. Some professors in my school took this phenomenon into account seriously and found out that the successful STUDENTS had several smart studying methods WHICH they tried to do the harder exercises. In contrast, the failed STUDENTS often did the same kinds of exercises which were not very difficult and complicated IN their levels. That is to say, besides being industrious, we also have to be methodical in order to reach our goals.

All in all, it is evident that always keeping trying will lead us to success. During the long time in which you have made great efforts, you can learn a lot of valuable things and gain a great number of useful experiences. Nevertheless, you should bear in mind that you are likely to have a BETTER chance to reach your goal if you USE proper and smart methods instead of working and studying superfluously and aimlessly for ages.

[Bokehaholic]

Thanks Sabrinayaa a lot :). Could you please give me a specific score so I can try my best to achieve a higher one in the next time ?

[Bokehaholic]

May I ask you a question ?

"What is more, we are not God and thus we may encounter some problems, even THOUGH failures in working or studying".
Why did you add "THOUGH" in this sentence ? I think "even though" is followed by a clause. Moreover, I used "EVEN" to emphasize "the problems".

[Sabrinayaa]

Hi my friend

sorry about my mistake, since I had some problems with the "even" and "even though". But I asked other's opinion, he told me that here had better use "even".

[Bokehaholic]

No problem :) thanks anyway :)

[Bokehaholic]

By the way, could you please give me a specific score ? :)