Parents should make important decisions for their children?please check my essay

[Anxious]

Hey! I have just 2 days to study for English proficiency exam in terms of writing. Will you check my essay and evaluate it? Thank you so much! :)

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older (15 to 18 year-old) teenage children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

The effects of parents on older teenage children have always been a controversial issue for many people. Not only ordinary people, but also psychological experts have discussed whether parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older teenage children or not. As it is predicted, there have been two different groups of this discussion. I am on the side which opposes the idea above for two main reasons.

Firstly, the idea above damages the structure of family and older teenage children's individualities. Everyone has parents and they generally make many things for their children. For example, they spend a lot of money for their children's education or healthy. Also, they always try to make their children's life standards better. Because of these efforts, parents have some rights on their children. Although they can make some decision or give some advices to their children, they should not make important decisions for their children. If they do that, they will have oriented their children's lives and that means destruction of individualities of their children. In addition, the word of family does not mean profit. Institution of family does not depend on profitable relations or orientation of others. Since the roles of the members of a family are not related with mutuality, it is related with voluntary. As a result, because the fact that orientation of children's lives means destruction of their personalities, parents or other adult relatives should not make important decisions for their older teenage children.

Secondly, all older teenage children should make some mistakes themselves in life. Life is a kind of school for people and in this school, the best style of learning is that make mistakes alone. Undoubtedly, older teenage children can take lessons from other people's stories by listening them. On the other hand, teenagers should make their own mistakes and they should make their own wrong decisions because if they do not these, they cannot learn what the true is or what success means. Thus, in order to understand the mean of life, when older teenage children make important decisions, their parents or other adult relatives should not orient them except that they give some advices for their children.

To sum up, parents or other adult relatives should not make important decisions for their older teenage children due to some reasons such as destruction of the structure of family and older teenage children's individualities, and understanding the mean of life.

TOEFL listening discussions: How many types of IMA passes are available?

[Katty2010]

The effects of parents on older teenage children have always been a controversial issue for many people. Not only ordinary people, but also psychological experts have discussed whether parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older teenage children or not. As it is predicted, there have been two different groups of this discussion. I am on the side which opposes the idea STATED above for two main reasons.

Firstly, the idea above damages the structure of family and older teenage children's individualities. Everyone has parents and they generally make many things for their children. For example, they spend a lot of money for their children's education or healthy. Also, they always try to make their children's life standards better. Because of these efforts, parents have some rights on their children. Although they can make some decision or give some advices to their children, they should not make important decisions for their children. If they do that, they will have oriented their children's lives and that means destruction of individualities of their children. In addition, the word of family does not mean profit. Institution of family does not depend on profitable relations or orientation of others. Since the roles of the members of a family are not related with mutuality, it is related with voluntary. As a result, because the fact that orientation of children's lives means destruction of their personalities, parents or other adult relatives should not make important decisions for their older teenage children.

Secondly, all older teenage children should make some mistakes themselves in life. Life is a kind of school for people and in this school, the best style of learning is that ONE SHOULD make mistakes alone. Undoubtedly, older teenage children can take lessons from other people's stories by listening TO them. On the other hand, teenagers should make their own mistakes and they should make their own wrong decisions because if they do not MAKE these, they cannot learn what the truTH is or what success means. Thus, in order to understand the meanING of life, when older teenage children make important decisions, their parents or other adult relatives should not orient them except that they give some advices for their children.

To sum up, parents or other adult relatives should not make important decisions for their older teenage children due to some reasons such as destruction of the structure of family and older teenage children's individualities, and understanding the meanING of life.

__________________________
Please check the mistakes I have corrected. Your writing skills seem fine but you need to work hard on your sentence structure as much as possible. This can be done by reading and listening. Read books, reader digests, stories and watch english movies or dramas to improve vocablary. Practice grammar excercises. 7.5/10 .
_________________
Just a confused kid... trying to live through twists & turns of life!
------
Everything Is Temporary!