please assess my essay. TOEFL® is coming and I need to improve my writing. Thanks :)

[Bokehaholic]

Some people prefer to get up early in the morning and start the day’s work. Others prefer to get up later in the day and work until late at night. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

People live to work and work to live. All of them has their own times to work within a day. While some prefer to work in the morning and then have the rest in the evening, other choose to begin their work later and last until midnight. Personally, I believe that the former is much better for our health as well as our work.

To begin with, when we get up early in the morning, we will feel relaxed and comfortable because of the fresh air and the tranquility of the surroundings. As a result, we will be vigorous enough to start our work or study effectively. Also, according to some scientific survey, going to bed and getting up early will enhance our attention span and the ability to retain memories. Hence, we can focus much better on our work and absorb much more necessary information and knowledge, which will results in the effectiveness of our work and study.

However, some consider that there are less deafening noise from traffic and crowd at night and thus they can concentrate attentively on their work. Nevertheless, I believe this will lead to the weakness of our health. Just try to stay up late one night until 1 a.m or more and then get up late in the following morning, it is obvious that you will feel extremely sleepy and exhausted. Additionally, you even have headache. You will not be conscious enough of doing multiple things within a day. Take my friend’s case as an example. When he changed his schedule to attend additional classes in the evening instead of morning, he had to stay up late at night to do homework. Although he slept sufficiently – seven hours a day, he still experienced headache and tiredness regularly. What is more, he even had intense moodiness sometimes. Consequently, his performance was not as good as other classmates. Therefore, it is usually counterproductive to stay up late to work and get up late in the morning.

All in all, we had better begin our day early in the morning. It is much better not only for our health but also for our mind. It is a good habit that everyone should attain.

TOEFL listening discussions: What seems to be the student's main skill?

[Iris87]

Some people prefer to get up early in the morning and start the day’s work. Others prefer to get up later in the day and work until late at night. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

People live to work and work to live. All of them hasVE their own times to work within a day. While some prefer to work in the morning and then have theSOME rest in the evening, otherS choose to begin their work later and last until midnight. Personally, I believe that the former is much better for our health as well as our work AND FOR OUR WORK AS WELL.

To begin with, when we get up early in the morning, we will feel relaxed and comfortable because of the fresh air and the tranquility of the surroundings. As a result, we will beARE vigorous enough to start our work or study effectively. Also, according to someA scientific survey, going to bed and getting up early will enhanceS our attention span and the ability to retain memories/information. Hence, we can focus much better on our work and absorb much more necessary information and knowledge, which will results in the effectiveness of our work and study.

However, some consider that there areIS less deafening noise from traffic and crowd at night and thus they can concentrate attentively on their work. Nevertheless, I believe this willMAY lead to the weakness of our health. JustIF YOU try to stay up late one night until 1 a.m or more and then TO get up late in the following morning, it is obvious that you will feel extremely sleepy and exhausted. Additionally, you MAY even have A headache. You will not be conscious enough of doing multiple things within a day. Take my friend’s case as an example. When he changed his schedule to attend additional classes in the evening instead of morning, he had to stay up late at night to do HIS homework. Although/Even though he USED TO SLEEP slept sufficiently – seven hours a day, he WAS still experiencing headacheS and tiredness regularly. What is more, he SOMETIMES had intense moodiness AS WELL. Consequently, his performance was not as good as otherTHE REST OF HIS classmates. Therefore, it is usually counterproductive to stay up late to work and get up late in the morning.

All in all, we had better begin our day early in the morning. It is much better not only for our health but also for our mind. It is a good habit that everyone should attain.

Hi! I am not a native speaker and I am not sure if my suggestions are all correct. However, I am taking my Toefl test in two months and I am preparing as well.
I hope to correct it someone else and to check your mistakes. By the way, I liked your essay! Be careful when using the future tense/present tense fits better. Keep writing more for more practice! ;)

[Bokehaholic]

Hi Iris87 !!!!!

I wonder why I can't use future tense in this part of my essay :| I think it's still okay ... Could you please give me an explanation?

By the way, thanks so much for your assessment :)

To begin with, when we get up early in the morning, we will feel relaxed and comfortable because of the fresh air and the tranquility of the surroundings. As a result, we will beARE vigorous enough to start our work or study effectively. Also, according to someA scientific survey, going to bed and getting up early will enhanceS our attention span and the ability to retain memories/information. Hence, we can focus much better on our work and absorb much more necessary information and knowledge, which will results in the effectiveness of our work and study.

[Iris87]

First of all, your welcome!
Well, when you talk about something that you believe it is always true then you have to use the simple present.
In your essay you believe that getting up in the morning makes you feel relaxed. Every time that you get up in the morning you feel relaxed.
I found a site where you can see the Present Real Conditional.
Check it out:
http://www.englishpage.com/conditional/presentconditional.html

Moreover, you can see in which case is the future tense used here : http://www.englishpage.com/verbpage/simplefuture.html
Simple future is used when we want to Express a Voluntary Action (I will help you! (I just decided it), a Promise(I will call you) and a Prediction(It will rain).