I am a new here, can any one help to correct my Toefl® essay? Thanks!

[Mary.tw]

"The best to improve the quality ofeducationis to increase teacher's salary?"

In today’s society, most governments want to improve the quality of their educational systems. Lots of people believe that the quality of education is closely correlated with the salary of teachers. Higher salary could hire smarter teachers, and smarter teachers would teach better. However, from my point of view, the thinking process is ridiculous and not logical. I strongly disagree with this idea, and several reasons of mine are presented as follows.
First, paying teachers higher salary can make this job become more attractive, but it does not guarantee that schools can recruit suitable people to become teachers. I know some freaks who do really enjoy earning lots of money but they hate children. If they become teachers due to the attractive salary, it will be a disaster. No matter what, teaching is not only a job, but it is also one kind of responsibility. Teachers, especially in elementary school, need the ability to love students, and they can empathize students’ suffering if they face difficulty.
Second, spend money on better equipment is more efficient in improving the quality of learning. As an old Chinese proverb says,” to do a good job, one must first to sharpen one’s tools” No one can ignore that better environment can facilitate students’ learning. For example, my school subscribes lots of online medical journals for us recently. Using my student account to log in on the internet, most online resource is accessible at home. It is really convenient for me, and it also increases my will to do more medical research.
Finally, schools should subsidize money for poor students, and student loan may be the best way to achieve this goal. Some of my classmates need to work after school to subsist their family, and it is too tiring for them to learn better. If they can have lower interest rate student loan, I believe that they can focus their thought on study.
In conclusion, after all the factors above are considerate, we can find that the increase teachers’ salary may not be the best way to improve the studying environment. Choosing suitable teachers, buying better equipment and student loan are better ways to achieve this goal.

TOEFL listening discussions: What is the main weakness of the student's essay?

[Justin_Huang]

to do a good job, one must first to sharpen one’s tools

[Mary.tw]

Thanks for your help!
Additionally, Shaun is my brother, and he has to take Toefl test recently. However, he hopes somebody help to modify a little more for his article, can anyone help?