PLease correct my toefl essay

[france]

In the future, students have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computers or television or of studying at traditional schools. Which would you prefer? Use reasons and specific details to explain your choice.
my choice:
A better education stems from the learnings you get out from what you've studied. If you find your education more important than anything else, you have to set quality time, hard work, conducive place and variety of resources to study. In my personal view, i rather stay in school and learn the traditional way of studying to brush up my knowledge and skills than to rely on my computer or televison at home to study.

Theres a lot of things u can benefit from going to school. You are not only learning academically but you can also learn the spiritual, physical, and psychological aspects of your well-being. In school, teachers can assess how you are behaving towards other people. They give feedbacks and teach the students the more important values in life. When you rely learning at home, these knowledge being taught from your teachers are being overshadowed. Your parents may not always be at home to see and check u all the time.

Although computers or televisions are good sources of getting updated-thorough information. These may not actually be the key to good way of learning. If you rely on these resources, you may not be able to pay more attention of studying. Computers and televisions can be a source of entertainment in some ways. For these reason, studying at home will just end up of nothing. Unlike, going to school, students can pay more attention because there is alos motivation coming from class attentiveness and discussion. Student scan also incorporate computers as way of added up learning.

The foundation of learning should begin with proper education. STaying in school could make the students keep up with the high-demands placed by our socio-economic society nowadays. if our standard way of living means improving our country. I think more schools should be put up in order to make access for our youth. I believe our Youth is the future. So, lets get more educated.

[Alan]

Hi france,

I've made some changes in CAPITAL letters:

In the future, students have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computers or television or of studying at traditional schools. Which would you prefer? Use reasons and specific details to explain your choice.
my choice:

[france]

I'm happy you've read my essay and made some changes. I never would have known my weaknesses in english if I didn't try let you check it. I will be taking TOEFL iBT in June. Hope i cam make it.
Thank you again
Wish me the best!

[toefl]

I hope that Alan would agree that you should have used Brush Up On to improve your knowledge and skills.

The idiom is: Brush Up On

[Alan]

Hi,

I'm quite happy with brush up + noun. I am reminded of the musical Kiss Me Kate based on Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew where one of the main songs goes like this:


Track Title: Brush Up Your Shakepeare

Prime Artist: Harry Clark
Vocal: Jack Diamond
Written by: Cole Porter (C. Albert P.)

From the Show: Kiss Me Kate 1948 (S)
Lyrics:

-intro-
The girls today in society.
Go for classical poetry.
So to win their hearts one must quote (with ease).
Aeschylus and Euripides.
One must know Homer and, b'lieve me, Bo.
Sophocles... also Sappho-ho!
Unless you know Shelley and Keats and Pope.
Dainty debbies will call you a dope.
But the poet of them all
Who will start 'em simply ravin'.
Is the poet people call.
The bard of Stratford-on-Avon!

-refrain-
Brush up your Shakespeare.
Start quoting him now.
Brush up your Shakespeare.
And the women you will wow.
Just declaim a few lines from "Othella".
And they'll think you're a helluva fella.
If your blonde won't respond when you flatter 'er.
Tell her what Tony told Cleopaterer!
If she fights when her clothes you are mussing...
What are clothes? "Much Ado About Nussing!"
Brush up your Shakespeare.
And they'll all kowtow.


Alan
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