Could someone please grade my GRE® issue? Thanx a million!

[Caffeineaddict]

[The Prompt]

Some people believe that in order to be effective, political leaders must yield to public opinion and abandon principle for the sake of compromise. Others believe that the most essential quality of an effective leader is the ability to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives.
Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

[My essay]

What defines an effective political leader? Is it the willingness to listen to the people, or adamant belief based on his or her own judgment in alignment with particular principles and objectives? I believe that when effectiveness refers to improving the general welfare of the people, then leaders would be more effective when they give more weight to public opinion. On the other hand however, if the issue at hand is elevating international status or designing development strategies for the nation as a whole, then it would most likely be better if the leader adhere to particular principles and objectives that are beneficial to the country in the long run.

First of all, public opinion should be given much weight when a political leader is making decisions about the nation’s general welfare. In this particular field, it is best when all of the voices are represented, ranging from ethnic minorities to the different sexes and different age groups. As the leader’s decision in this area affects most intimately the people, feedback from the subjects is crucial in making sure that the plan is effective. This is even more important in today’s society where a large percentage of those in political positions are from a single specific group. For the U.S., the case may be Caucasian, male, and middle class; for China, Han, male, and middle to upper class. Therefore, when drafting policies that aim to improve the general welfare, it is crucial to consider public opinion, as the public is where those policies aim to serve.

On the other hand, however, when being effective means elevating a nation’s status on the global arena, then public opinion may not be as crucial as the particular principles and objectives that are unique to every nation. Firstly, in most cases the public does not possess as much information on international politics as those who are in office. As factual information is the basis to any informed decision, in this area the public may be unintentionally biased simply because they are not in possession of as much information, not only because their jobs are not to amass and analyze such information, unlike the political leaders’, but also because there’re certain information that can only be obtained behind closed doors. Furthermore, a nation’s position in international decisions often has to uphold consistency and has to take factors such as military stability and defense into consideration. The cases of Free Tibet and Independent Taiwan in China’s politics exhibit this perfectly. While a large number of Chinese people are indifferent or are in support of Tibet and Taiwan’s fight for independence, China still upholds its “One China” policy, largely out of national interests and security issues that most people overlook who are not viewing the issue in relation to China’s strategic development. Therefore, when being effective implies fostering a nation’s development on the global stage, then upholding certain principles may be a more rational choice for effectiveness rather than yielding to public opinion.

Ultimately, the effectiveness of a political leader depends on his or her specific field. In those fields that effects directly people’s day to day lives, then public opinion should be a major factor for consideration in political leaders’ decision making process. Meanwhile, in other fields where political leaders represent the entire country and are in pursuit of advantages for the nation as a whole, then public opinion should be given less attention than the country’s principles and objectives.

[Amu07]

The ideas are clear and crisp. Use of examples and fluency in writing, which is also a positive one. You can enhance your vocab a little more.
And elaborate your essay as I think its a little less than 400.

[Holymanbinny]