Correct my essay please! Thank you so much!

[Linhshan]

Here are my and my friend's essays.

People’s character is influenced by environment rather than genetics. Do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

Some people hold the opinion that people’s character is mainly affected by environment, others who disagree argue that it is decided by gene. As for me, I believe that living condition and genetics have the same influences on human development.

There is a very clear example of how gene can affect one’s character. Almost every people know the story about the Countess Dracula or the Blooded Countess. Her true name is Elizabeth Bathory. The fact of married among siblings in her family gave her a violent, wild, fierce character. That leaded her to conduct the most fearful crime in history. She tortured and killed so many maidens and then used their blood for bathing because she believed that bathing with blood of virgins can retain her youth. In short, genes really have their effects on human’s characteristic.

However, it is not true that all people from criminal families are becoming criminal. There is a belief that all infants are pure and innocent, and the way they are raised decided who they become. If a child from a good family is kidnapped and raised by thieve, he/she will become a thief for sure. On the contrary, if a child of a thief is adopted and taught by good parents, he/she will mature to a good person. Undoubtedly, environment can have some effects on human’s personality

In conclusion, the argument of how much environment and genetics can affect people’s character is still unsettled now. Both sides have their strong supports. In my opinion, I think that they have the equal influences people’s character.

My friend's essay:

Some people hold the opinion that people’s character is impacted by both environment and genetics, but the effects of environment is more strongly than that of genetics. From my point of view, I think that it is difficult to consider which one is more important.

First of all, environment, which implies education condition, social communication, working condition, etc. plays an important role in human development. Education can give knowledge to human, communication and working can give them some experiences to solve their troubles in daily life. No one can deny that they all are critical factors to build people’s characters. Therefore, environment can be recognized as a key factor which can affect human’s characteristics.

Some people prefer that gene identify human appearance, but, personally, I think it also have strong effects on human’s characteristics. Human brain is built by not only education but also parent’s gene. Unfortunately, human brain considers how much they can study, how many successful solutions they can use to solve their troubles, etc. It leads to organize their characters. Surely, they are keys to consider human character as well.

Moreover, according to scientists, genetics can have a role ability to define some given characters of people such as careful, hesitate…. A lot of researches are carried out and they showed that the child who has careful parents seem to be more careful than the child without them does. Undoubtedly, people’s character is influenced by gene.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that people’s character is impacted by not only environment but also gene and their roles are equal.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university arts lecture on Greek drama

[Linhshan]

Here's my essay after correcting

Some people hold the opinion that people’s character is mainly affected by environment, others who disagree argue that it is decided by gene. As for me, I believe that living condition and gene have the same influences on human development.

There is a very clear example of how gene can affect one’s character. Almost everyone knows the story about the Countess Dracula or the Blooded Countess. Her true name is Elizabeth Bathory. The fact that her parents were cousins who intermarried and inbreeding gave her a violent, wild, fierce personality. That leaded her to conduct the most fearful crime in history. She tortured and killed so many maidens and then used their blood for bathing as she believed that bathing with blood of virgins can retain her youth. In short, genes really have their effects on human’s characteristic.

However, it is not true that all people from criminal families are becoming criminal. There is a belief that all infants are pure and innocent, and the way they are raised decided who they become. If a child from a good family is kidnapped and brought up by thieves, he/she will become a thief for sure. On the contrary, if a child of a thief is adopted and taught by good parents, he/she will mature to a good person. It means that environment also has major effects on human’s personality.

In conclusion, the argument of how much environment and genetics can affect people’s character is still unsettled now. Both sides have their strong supports. In my opinion, I think that they have equal impacts on the process of forming personality.

[Argentum91]

I think your reasons are not strong enough. Your second paragraph is kind of weird.
I honestly think that it's not a clear example as you wrote, because it is a legend, not a fact.
It will be better if you use your experience as an example.

[Prateek_Sachdeo]

can u please evaluate my essay topic-

LEADERS MUST PAY ATTENTION TO THE ADVICE AND OPINION OF OTHER PEOPLE:
Leader is the person who guide, inspire and give advice to the people under him and from time to time motivate them for future goals, but sometimes all these qualities are not present in a leader. This reason makes me believe that a leader should pay attention to the advice & take knowledge of other people so that he can learn from his mistakes.
First of all a leader should be the one who should know the demands and problems of people, he should listen to people’s advice and try to manage his work accordingly. By doing work in this way he develops a friendly relationship with the people and earns a leader respect. I would like to share a personal experience with you, in my locality when I was twelve years old, we used to have a society head or we can call him that he was our society leader. Who has the responsibility of the whole society starting from the maintenance of the society to organizing any function in the society.
The society leader used to have a weekly meeting with the elders of the society, he used to discuss the problems listen other people opinion and take advice from the society member from time to time, by this way he made a friendly relation in the society. And I must tell you that still today the same leader has been appointed by the society because of the quality of work performed by him.
Secondly, by listening to advice of people the leader maintains a strong relationship with the people. As we saw the above example the same leader is still appointed from so many years. In this way if the leader has some problem he can easily discuss with his coworkers or with other people.
Sometimes we see in a company, a group of people working under a leader work more cooperatively than the leader does with his coworkers, this reminds him of his duty under his shoulder. And by caring advice and opinions of other people helps leaders solve a problem faster due to several brains working together. Furthermore, workers whose ideas are cared by their boss feel to be respect and as a result they start to work eagerly and evenly harder.
Therefore I would like to conclude my essay by referring to the above points that leaders must pay attention to the advice and opinion of other people.

[Linhshan]

Thank you, Argentum91.

[Iris Quirit]

Content wise, your content is already good. You just need to focus on some grammatical structures and the rule of the semantics. You have the thoughts but your words and other factors related to the use of correct grammar still need improvement if you want a perfect work. Punctuations and run-on sentences must also be corrected. Check all your sentences to make sure you follow the appropriate structures of grammar. Do not just focus on the thoughts and organization of your content, but you also have to give value to the grammar.

I hope this hepls.