Hi, a new essay, could you please?TIA

[Jed]

Some people argue that air transport can bring us more choices while others claim it makes industrial and agricultural products cost more. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

As we have stepped into new millennium everything around us has completely transformed compared to what it looked like several years ago. The air transport is getting more and more universal in goods’ transportation. Speaking one of it, the air transport, many people have various opinions upon it. Some people hold that it can bring us more options, while some other people think differently, arguing that it leads to higher cost of industrial and agricultural products. I will discuss both in following paragraphs.
On the one hand, the wide-spread use of air transport benefits us in many aspects. First, before the invention of air transport, the only way by which people conveyed goods to other places was ship or horse, which was really inefficient and time-consuming. At that time, people also had to take many factors into account such as weather condition, food for a long time to go and so on. Afterwards when the air transport appears, people can transmit commodities over all cities or even all over the world. Second, it is just the advanced transport approach that makes companies can expand their sales in increasingly number of markets in different countries; thereby they can make more profits from it. As a result, more people are likely to buy new products in domestic supermarkets.
On the other hand, even though it takes more choices, we have to admit that it causes some other issues. As a rather big concern involved in families, the prices of industrial and agricultural products have arisen a lot due to increasing cost of transportation such as labor cost and overhead cost. The best one of illusions for this is fruit imported from overseas. Its price is almost 4-5 times by that of several years ago. Nevertheless, we should realize the choices air transport brings are much more than its affects on us.
In conclusion, in my opinion, but for the air transport we will not have chance to buy some fresh fruits and advanced high-tech products. We should encourage the further development of air transport instead of canceling it just because of the side effects it brings us.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture by a professor of Fine Arts

[Katty2010]

As we have stepped into new millennium everything around us has completely transformed compared to what it looked like several years ago. The air transport is getting more and more universal in goods’ transportation. Speaking one of it, the air transport, many people have various opinions upon it. Some people hold that it can bring us more options, while some other people think differently, arguing that it leads to higher cost of industrial and agricultural products. I will discuss both in following paragraphs.

On the one hand, the wide-spread use of air transport benefits us in many aspects. FirstLY, before the invention of air transport, the only way by which people conveyed goods to other places was ship or horse, which was really inefficient and time-consuming. At that time, people also had to take many factors into account such as weather condition, food for a long time to go and so on. Afterwards when the air transport appearED, people can WERE ABLE TO transmit commodities over all cities or even all over the world. SecondLY, it is just the advanced transport approach that makes companies can expand their sales in increasingly number of markets in different countries; thereby they can make more profits from it. As a result, more people are likely to buy new products in domestic supermarkets.

On the other hand, even though it takes more choices, we have to admit that it causes some other issues. As a rather big concern involved in families, the prices of industrial and agricultural products have arisen a lot due to increasing cost of transportation such as labor cost and overhead cost. The best EXAMPLE one of illusions for this is fruit imported from overseas. Its price is almost 4-5 times by that of several years ago. Nevertheless, we should realize the choices air transport brings are much more than its affects on us.

In conclusion, in my opinion, IF WE DID NOT HAD AIR TRANSPORT WE WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO ENJOY GOODS FROM ALL AROUND THE WORLD. but for the air transport we will not have chance to buy some fresh fruits and advanced high-tech products. We should encourage the further development of air transport instead of canceling it just because of the side effects it brings us.

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Nice Essay. Got to work on sentence structure and grammar. Read more often so you can write better! :) 7/10
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[Jed]

Hi Katty,

Thanks so much about your swift and useful corrections. what if I can correct those error that you have pointed out? I mean, is there any other points I need to improve for this essay?
Thank you very much!
Jed

[Jed]

btw, there is another version of answer, could you also please help me correct?

Answer:
It is quite common nowadays that people are surrounded with imported items from other countries, such as food, and living necessities. Yet it is still a frequent topic of discussion when the cost of products is raised due to expensive transportation, for example, by airplane. From my perspective, I think the real solution to that should be regarding selecting different transportations for different products.

It is undeniable that not only can air transport offer more options in terms of product diversities but also significantly boost the efficiency. With the help of it, for example, exotic products neither industrial or agricultural will be available from another end of the earth and people who purchase them will also be able to receive them in a relative short period of time. However, it indeed makes the products overpriced owing to additional but inevitable transportation fee and manpower cost.

My view is that in spite of the fact the transportation of goods by air is always of imperative importance for countries as it brings a vast numbers of benefits to the consumers, other alternatives should also be considered when it comes to product imports. For instance, with the items which can be stored or in a less hurry, the cheaper methods, such as transporting items by ship or railway, are by far economical, compared with its counterparts.

In conclusion, I believe one of the most important consideration is that the priorities of products should be classified, so that people can choose most proper transportation approach that suit the situation the best. If it can be managed properly, people will be able to enjoy various kinds of exotic products while be able to afford the transportation fee.