Please review my toefl® essay so I can improve my writing.

[Boko009]

Hi, this is my first time posting and I hope I can get some help for improving my essay.

Topic: To be a financially responsible adult, children should manage their own money at a young age.

Letting children to have or perform a responsibility of their action is an effective way of disciplining. One of important responsibilities that the children should learn is managing their money. However I believe that children should not manage their own money at a young age for a few reasons.

First of all, they don’t know the value of the money yet. Until they get a part-time job and realizing how hard is to earn the money, they won’t know how much worth it is. Giving them allowance and let them manage may help them to learn its value but it will not be effective as they actually get their job, because children will think the money come from their parents not from their hard work on their job.

Furthermore, young children are usually lack of algebra skills, so it will give them difficulties for managing their money. They have to at least complete the first three primary school grades to be able to add and subtract numbers. After that, they can write down a record how much they have spent or how much money they have earned. It is not going to be helpful for giving children some money without letting them to take their time to develop their mathematical skills.

Lastly, young children may get too much stress for managing money. Instead of understanding their parents’ purpose for letting them to manage their allowance, children will get upset if they found out they can’t buy their toys or snacks they want after they already spent their money that they are given. It is highly likely they will misunderstand their parents do not love them anymore or getting angry towards parents. It will cause a lot of stress to them.

As a conclusion, letting children to manage their own money will not be helpful for making them to be a financially responsible adult because they cannot manage their money effectively without knowing how worth is money, basic algebra and it will also causing stress for them.

TOEFL listening lectures: Why are red crosses erected on Tanna Island?

[Justin_Huang]

[Boko009]

Thank you, Justin! I really appreciate your help. :D