Need comments on my essay

[Sobia Aslam]

TOPIC:
Some high schools require all students to wear school uniforms. Other high schools permit students to decide what to wear to school. Which of these two school policies do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

In my view, high schools should allow students to decide what to wear to school. High school is the place where students must be given freedom of choice as students are grown up here. Uniforms look nice for young students whose dressing sense are under developed and their school activities are rather simple. Students wearing one type of uniform represent that they are doing the same job. In high schools, situation is different. Students must be given freedom of dress according to their taste and requirements.
First reason to support this freedom of choice is that different students are studying different subjects and performing different activities at high schools. They must wear according to their requirements and their needs. For example, a student of art do not need to wear a lab coat, whereas, a chemistry student must wear it in the lab. It is useless to assign lab coat as a part of uniform for the whole school as only students of some science subjects such as chemistry, medicine, and pharmacy need lab coat as essential part of their uniform. Similarly, students who are sports players wear sport shoes only, while all others wear school shoes and female wear sandals. It will be a foolish decision to make sport shoes to be a part of uniform. In fact, it will be a headache even for sports students to wear them all the times in summer. On the other hand, if school shoes become a part of uniform, it will be much more difficult for players to wear school shoes normally and bring sport shoes in their bags.
Another reason to permit students is that they will be much more relaxed while wearing casual dresses and can dress up according to the weather and according to their moods. In some schools, there is a trend of enjoying color days by wearing colored dresses with changes in the weather. These kind of events not only bring fun in their lives but also improve their dressing sense. As we know that dressing is very important in grooming one’s personality. Students while looking at others try to dress up properly. Everyone wants to be in the limelight and dressing play a very important role in it.
Consequently, students of high schools must allow to wear whatever they want according to their needs and requirements. This will not only help the students to carry out their work satisfactorily but also have a very good impact on their dressing sense. Dressing is a part of our personality which attract others at a glance. This is really going to help students in their future when they are going for job interviews, attending parties even in everyday life as well.

I need honest reviews on my essay. Let me know the mistakes I made. What score you will give me on this essay out of 30. Take it as an essay for TOEFL test. Thanks.

[Idnas]

Good essay and good language but to be very good your reasons should be well organized