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please correct my essay!!!!!!thanks



 
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Please review my essay. Thanks a lot!! | ToeflŪ Independent Essay, Please evaluate it, thank you in advance!
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please correct my essay!!!!!!thanks #1 (permalink) Sat Nov 19, 2011 16:14 pm   please correct my essay!!!!!!thanks
 

Advertising influences both positively and negatively.

There are many effects of advertising,both positive and negative. Starting with positive effects,advertising show up newproducts for companies.Also through advertising,consumers can choose different interest rats for their different insurances.

A company can have new products for consumers and it's through advertising they can show them to the general public(potential consumers). It's through this advertisiment that consumers identify the new product's characteristics,fonction,use and utility.To bring this foward,someone may have a gas stvo with burner,but needs one with ceramic plate because it's more convenient for him and permits him to be more rapid while cooking.It's through advertisment he can quickly see one and have it.This therefore increases the consumers choice.

Secondly,consumers through advertisment can determine which insurance will be best for him, and at which rate because he has a variety of choice.If no advertisment is done,these different rates would not be known by the consumer before he goes to the company himself.To illustrate this,someone may need a medical insurance,house insurance...,before he goes to the different companies advertised,he already has an idea of the different rates they propose.

On the other hand,we have negative effects of advertisment; we experience nowadayschanges in behaviours,due to advertisment.Let it be on tv,radio stations,advertisment pannel,computer, all these changes affects our behaviors.

Firstly,we have the desire for a product we've seen a friend using which may lead to envy.Someone using a a product which she saw in an advertisment,may be envied by her friend who wants thesame product even if she can't afford it.This may lead her to stealing,traffic or even prostitution because she needs money to afford it.

Also a child ca be infront of a tv set, computer or advertisment pannel, and sees and action or scene and later wants to reproduce it.This can be physicaly harmful to him or create a psychological injury.Concerning children,adults can never be sure of preventing them from seeing or doing this they have witness.All we can do is to educate them.

Advertising can be thriving to the economy,and can also be indecent to people because it's a phenomenon that ca't be easily controlled.It is throuh it that most companies make their profits.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a social studies class
Ely2
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Joined: 01 Nov 2011
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please correct my essay!!!!!!thanks #2 (permalink) Sat Nov 19, 2011 16:19 pm   please correct my essay!!!!!!thanks
 

toefl essay:Advertising influences people behavior
sorry.i wrote my essay topic after
Ely2
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Joined: 01 Nov 2011
Posts: 19
Location: Cameroon

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please correct my essay!!!!!!thanks #3 (permalink) Sun Nov 20, 2011 2:21 am   please correct my essay!!!!!!thanks
 

There are many effects of advertising,[space after a comma] both positive and negative. Starting with positive effects,[space]advertising show up newproducts (new products) for companies.[space after a full stop] Also through advertising,[space]consumers can choose different interest rats[rates] for their different insurances.

[Firstly,]A(a) company can have new products for consumers and it's[it is] through advertising they can show them to the general public(potential consumers). It's[it is] through this advertisiment[advertisement] that consumers identify the new product's characteristics,[space]fonction[function],[space]use[,] and utility.[spac]To bring this foward,[apace]someone may have a gas stvo[write in full] with burner,[spac]but needs one with ceramic plate because it's[it is] more convenient for him and permits him to be more rapid while cooking.[space]It's[it is] through advertisiment[advertisement] he can quickly see one and have it.[space]This therefore increases the consumers choice.

Secondly,[space]consumers through advertisiment[through advertisement comsumers] can determine which insurance will be best for him[them], and at which rate because he[they] has[have] a variety of choice[s].[space]If no advertisiment[advertisement] is done,[space]these[the] different rates would not be known by the consumers before he goes to the company himself.[space]To illustrate this,[space]someone may need a medical insurance,[space]house insurance...,before he goes to the different companies advertised,[space]he already has an idea of the different rates they propose[d].

On the other hand, we have negative effects of advertisment; we experience nowadayschanges in behaviours,due to advertisment.Let it be on tv,radio stations,advertisment pannel,computer, all these changes affects our behaviors.[On the other hand, nowadays, we experience changes in behaviors due to advertisement. Let it be on television, radio stations, advertisement panel, computer, just to name but a few, all these change our behaviors.]

Firstly[Thirdly],[space]we have the desire for a product we've[we have] seen a friend using which may lead (us)to envy.[space]Someone using a a[repeatation] product which she saw in an advertisiment[advertisement],[space]may be envied by her friend who wants the same[the same] product even if she can't[cannot] afford it.[space]This may lead her to stealing,[space]traffic or even prostitution because she needs money to afford it.

Also a child ca[can] be infront[in front] of a tv set, computer or advertisment pannel[advertisement panel], and sees and action or scene and later wants to reproduce it.[space]This can be physicaly[physically] harmful to him or create a psychological injury.[space]Concerning children,[s[ace]adults can never be sure of preventing them from seeing or doing this[things] they have witness.[space]All we can do is to educate them.

Advertising can be thriving to the economy,[no comma]and can also be indecent to people because it's[it is] a phenomenon that ca't [cannot]be easily controlled.[space]It is throuh[through] it that most companies make their profits.

NB: Always give a space after a comma and a full stop. Also avoid using the same word over and over. For example, you can use publicity, commercial, ad, etc for advertisement. In addition, avoid using abbreviations as much as possible in your writings.
However, you did a good job. Keep it up!
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please correct my essay!!!!!!thanks #4 (permalink) Sun Nov 20, 2011 12:57 pm   please correct my essay!!!!!!thanks
 

See it works Ely!;)
Hey Nzuahp! how are you?
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please correct my essay!!!!!!thanks #5 (permalink) Sun Nov 20, 2011 15:17 pm   please correct my essay!!!!!!thanks
 

iHey Katty, it's been ages. Good job you are doing here. Regards!
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