Please review my essay

[Omegakd]

Hello everybody,
I will take the Toefl iBT in next week !
So please check my essay and leave a comment ! Thanks in advance.
TOPIC : Many students choose to attend schools or universities outside their home countries. Why do some students study abroad ? Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer.

My Essay :

Although students can get a good education in most subjects at their home colleges, they still wish to study in a foreign country. Learning overseas can give them competency in a new language, career preparation and familiarity with another culture.

The first reason for studying abroad is that students endeavor to master a new language. For instance, student may not have capable of communicating with a native speaker in a language that they have learned in school. In fact, the improvement in their fluency in their usage of that language will be tremendous if it is not only used in a theoretical way, but in a more practical way.

Another reason is that studying abroad will enables students to formulate their career. Our modern world is shrinking and most companies are requesting high quality human resources. Hence, training in a foreign nation can enhance the values of their degree and guarantee a more splendid future in their life and career.

In addition to career preparation, studying abroad also bring knowledge of the other cultures to students. Knowing other culture is also important today. Respect for other peoples and their traditions will foster cooperation and peace. According to an analysis conducted by the United Nation, there are over 1500 cultures around the world; this means that inside of each country have many cultures. Therefore, students will obtain opportunities to interact with students from different cultures. Perhaps, this will result in gaining more information and lead students to rethink whether prejudices to other nations are really true.

In short, studying overseas offers student chances to improve their foreign language skills prepare their career and comprehend the cultures they exchange. However, I think studying overseas not only help expand their worldview but also make them more mature.

TOEFL listening lectures: What does the professor say about utopian socialists?

[Katty2010]

Although students can get a good education in most subjects at their home colleges, they still wish to study in a foreign country. Learning overseas can give them competency in a new language, career preparation and familiarity with another culture.

The first reason for studying abroad is that students endeavor to master a new language. For instance, student may not have capabILITY of communicating with a native speaker in a language that they have learned in school. In fact, the improvement in their fluency in their usage of that language will be tremendous if it is not only used in a theoretical way, but in a more practical way.

Another reason is that studying abroad will enables students to formulate their career. Our modern world is shrinking and most companies are requesting high quality human resources. Hence, training in a foreign nation can enhance the values of their degree and guarantee a more splendid future in their life and career.

In addition to career preparation, studying abroad also bringS knowledge of the other cultures to students. Knowing other culture is also important today. Respect for other peoples and their traditions will foster cooperation and peace. According to an analysis conducted by the United Nation, there are over 1500 cultures around the world; this means that inside of each country THERE ARE have many cultures. Therefore, students will obtain opportunities to interact with students from different cultures. Perhaps, this will result in gaining more information and lead students to rethink whether prejudices to other nations are really true.

ALL IN ALL, studying overseas offers student chances to improve their foreign language skills prepare their career and comprehend the cultures they exchange. However, I think studying overseas not only helpS TO expand their worldview but also make them more mature.

_______________
Nice essay. Work on your tenses, grammar and reading.
7/10
_________________
Just a confused kid... trying to live through twists & turns of life!
------
Everything Is Temporary!

[Omegakd]

Thank you very much !