Could you correct my essay please?.Thank you very much for yor help in advance!

[Rolitron]

Hello everyone,

I will take IELTS exam on 3rd December and need if someone could helps me to correct it.

Everyone should stay in school until the age of eighteen. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Education

In our actual society, many things are changing so fast. It is not the same teenagers of fifty years ago in different ways. Many people say that everybody should have the opportunity of studying until has the majority of age. This essay will discuss some arguments for and against studying until the age of eighteen.

There are several reasons which many people argued that a student should stay at school until be considered by many societies an adult. They believe that at this age a person is psychologically and physically mature for taking many decisions, but always supervised by an adult in this could be her/his parents or a tutor. It goes without saying that it prepares you for your working career because is very crucial preparation from 16 to 18. It gives you skills in different aspects, but principally in aspect of education.

On the contrary, it is possible to make the opposing case. It is often argued that is better staying in school until a certain age. They feel that not everybody matures at the same age. As a clear example some teachers argued that a student of sixteen years old may study a technical profession because not all people have the similar skills and also society needs less skilled workers than before.

While there are strong arguments on both sides of the case my personal opinion is that should study until eighteen because it is the same for example as making a house everything needs their time.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a science class

[IELTSbuddy]

Hi,

Your general structure is good - intro (with a thesis), a body paragraph 'for' and one 'against' (both with topic sentences), and a conclusion.

However, I think you need improve your cohesion within your paragraphs. For example, you state in your first paragraph that you have 'several' reasons why people should stay at school until they are 18, but it is not clear where one idea starts and another finishes.

You don't want to make things too 'mechanical', but make better use of phrases and transitions to show where each idea is, e.g.

"The first reason is that..."
"Another reason...
"Also, ..."
"Secondly,.." etc

This will give your work better coherence and cohesion.

In your second body paragraph you say it is better to stay until a 'certain age'. This is unclear. Do you mean it is better to allow someone to leave when they choose?

Your essay is only 249 words so it is actually underlength so you need to give a bit more support in your essay (aim for 265 words).

Its not clear in your conclusion what you mean when you make the comparison with 'houses'. I would avoid making analogies like this in essays. It is important to make your opinion clearer.

I haven't commented on your grammar, but maybe someone else can assist you with that.

Good luck
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[Rolitron]

Thank you very much for your answer. I will practice more and more these days.

[Natal4e93]

can you check my essay, please?
All people in the world have diverse opinion about the ideal partner – whether he/she should be similar to you or different from you. I think that the person who will be with you to the rest of your life has to be similar to you. In my opinion this is really important because in that way some confrontations will be avoided. There are several reasons for my preference which I am going to present.
To begin with, when you are with a person who has the same dreams and ambitions as you is definately much easier. In this way, yours and your partner’s goals are likely to be achieved. For instance, both of you love children and really want to have big family then you can make it without a thought. Moreover, you will be happy and satisfied because all that you ever want will happen. But if one of you does not like children and all that he or she wants is to work, some arguments will occured and this will lead to additional problems.
Furthermore, if you and your partner like the same things this will help you in avoiding unexpected conflicts. For example, both of us – me and my boyfriend love eating Chinese food and watching a film. We have never argued about the things that we want to do in the free time because our opinions and preferences are not diverse most of the time.
Last but not least, I would like me and my future husband to have same kinds of interests. I can admit that the thing I love most is to travel. This is my favourite way of spending the weekend. It will be great if I have the opportunity to go to different countries and beautiful places with my family.
To sum up, for having a peaceful and happy life it is much better for you and your partner to be similar. In this way no conflicts and problems will occured. Moreover, this decision will lead to life without pain and stress.

[IELTSbuddy]

No problem Rolitron. Good luck.
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[IELTSbuddy]

Hi Natal4e93,

Yes, I 'll have a look later today or tomorrow, just a bit short on time now. But I'll need to know what the question was in order to assess if you have answered it or not - can you post it?

Thanks
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[Natal4e93]

ohh sorry the topic is : Do you agree or disagree - It is better to marry someone who is similar to you rather than someone who is different from you . :)

[IELTSbuddy]

All people in the world have diverse opinions about the ideal partner – whether he/she should be similar to you or different from you. I think that the person who will be with you for the rest of your life has to be similar to you. In my opinion this is really important because in that way some confrontations will be avoided. There are several reasons for to support my preference which I am going to present.

To begin with, when you are with a person who has the same dreams and ambitions as you, it is definitely much easier. In This way, yours and your partner’s goals are likely to be achieved. For instance, if both of you love children and really want to have a big family, then you can make do it without a thought. Moreover, you will be happy and satisfied because all that you ever want will happen. But if one of you does not like children and all that he or she wants is to work, some arguments will occured occur and this will lead to additional problems.

Furthermore, if you and your partner like the same things this will help you in avoiding unexpected conflicts. For example, both of us – me and my boyfriend - love eating Chinese food and watching films. We have never argued about the things that we want to do in the our free time because our opinions and preferences are not diverse most of the time.

Last but not least, I would like me and my future husband to have the same kinds of interests. I can admit that the thing I love most is to travel. This is my favourite way of spending the weekend. It will be great if I have the opportunity to go to different countries and beautiful places with my family.

To sum up, for having a peaceful and happy life it is much better for you and your partner to be similar. In This way no conflicts and problems will occured occur. Moreover, this decision will lead to life without pain and stress

__________________

Overall its a good answer, well structured and very few grammar errors - easy to read through first time.

Avoid the way you wrote your thesis - it did not sound very 'academic' (though is this for General Training? You can get away with it not being so academic for this).

Your last paragraph, though, does not really seem to be answering the question. It looks as if you are just discussing your hopes for the future.

Last but not least, I would like me and my future husband to have same kinds of interests. I can admit that the thing I love most is to travel. This is my favourite way of spending the weekend. It will be great if I have the opportunity to go to different countries and beautiful places with my family.

It is getting too personal. You can use your own experiences for specific examples to support main ideas (like you did in the paragraph about liking the same things and films), but not like you have done here.

Hope that helps,
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[Natal4e93]

thank you so much :)

[IELTSbuddy]

No problem, good luck in the test.
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