Please review my paragraph!

[Mirch Masala]

I want to write something about social networks which are so common these days on internet. I have also made my account on one of the famous social network which claims that it connects people though I am in totally disagreement with this. So many people are there in my friendlist with whom I met hardly twice or thrice and now I have no hope that I would meet them again and even I don't have any desire to meet them. When a huge gap come between you and these so called friends then you start feeling hesitation in sharing your hapinesses and sorrows with them. I have had some worst experiences as well while using it. I think the best way to be in touch with your close friends is through cell phones or through e-mails.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a marine biology class

[TOEFLspeakingnetwork.com]

I want to write something about social networks, which these days are common on the internet. I have made an account on a famous social network, which claims that it connects people, however, I disagree with this claim; I have many people on my friends list that I met maybe three times and I have no hope or desire to meet them again. With this large gap between you and your so called friends, you begin to hesitate about sharing your feelings with them. In addition, I have had some bad experiences while using the social network. Therefore, I think the best way to communicate with your close friends is through cell phones or e-mails.

I tried to keep as much of your wording as possible and fixed the grammatical errors. I hope this helps you.

[Mirch Masala]

Thanks :)

[Bartamas]

Hi everybody,

please review my essay, next week I'm going to try to pass TOEFL. This essay was written in 30 minutes and contains of 446 words.
Thy in advance!
Best regards,
Tom

Q: A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child's development. What gift would you give to help child develop? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice.

A:

Some people think that they can definitely earn the love of children by giving them gifts. According this opinion, they only use presents as tools to get closer to the children. However, others claim that the development of the children could be affected by useful presents such as cubes for build, soccer ball, puppy and many others. In my opinion, the most useful toy is a simple ball. In the following paragraph I would like to explain why it is so appropriate for children.

Firs of all, it is a well known fact, that there are so many ball game we could not imagine from the simpliest to the most complicated. A chil usually does not know anything about a ball until he/she did not experienced that toy. If he/she want to play with a ball, first, he/she is trying to catch it. His/her arms are not so big to catch it absolutely, so the ball rolls away. Therefore, the child is going to run after. What does this example illustrate? This process happened to all of us, otherwise, we would not know how to play soccer or anything else. The child using his/her insticts and brain is able to play with that ball after a while. What does it mean? The child is able to understand what are the features of the ball, and how can they play with that. This is a mental process, which definitely improve the mental skills of the child.

Secondly, playing with ball needs active movements since it is necessary to play with the ball. This kind of activity is leading to active movements resulted in active lifestyle, increased amount of muscles and heathy sceleton. These results are very important for the development of the children to make them healthy. Moreover, they are goint to get used to it, and the are going to continue doing some sport in the future as well, which is one secret of the log lifetime.

Last but not least, ball games are played often in team sor in pairs. Interestingly, it has been reported that those children who were playing in team will be better member of a team than children without playing ball in group. For this reason, I think that playin gin team increase the potential for the developement of a team work leading to more effective game. This phenomenon is also important to the personal development.

To sum up, balls are very simple, but sophisticated tools for the development. Mental skills, health and social activity are the result of the continuously played ball games. These skills play a pivotal role to be intelligent member of the society in the near future.

[Katty2010]

Tom you got to post on main page of essays again.
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Just a confused kid... trying to live through twists & turns of life!
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Everything Is Temporary!

[Mirch Masala]

Katty is right Tom. you have to post your essay on the main page so that most of the people would be able to review it. Don't get so much confused. I can understand it happens when your exams come nearer. Cheers!