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 #2 (permalink) Tue Nov 29, 2011 13:00 pm story writing |
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| thank you vary much |
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Fadell l
New Member
Joined: 26 Sep 2010
Posts: 9
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| #3 (permalink) Wed Nov 30, 2011 0:02 am Re: story writing |
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| Nidhika wrote: |
I wish to write short stories for children. i have several ideas to start with. however being new i wish to post excerpts from my writing for the forum members who care to read and correct me so that i can improve on my skills. a small sample is given below:
neha and dhruv were playmates. while neha was 3 years old dhruv was 4. they were neighbors and their houses were separated by just one floor. this was indeed a providential circumstance as in no other condition would they have found it so easy to interract. their families knew each other fairly well and the children found it the most natural thing to land up in each others house as soon as the prospect of getting bored loomed itself. |
Hello Nidhika and welcome to the forums.
I am used to books for children written in English by English native speakers for English native speakers, so perhaps I am simply not used to the more formal style of your story, but your sample seems quite 'dry' for children. I know this is only an introduction but you use very grown up language and patterns. Is this typical of the style of children's stories in your country?
Your main characters are very young so what age is your intended audience? If this were a British children's book, with young characters such as these I would expect the book to be intended for young children. However the language makes me think of much older children of ten and eleven.
Leaving aside the style, with regard to the sample's grammar and punctuation, 'interact' is spelled incorrectly, but the most basic problem is that all the capital letters are missing.
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Beeesneees
Language Coach
Joined: 08 Apr 2010
Posts: 20463
Location: UK, born and bred
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| #4 (permalink) Thu Dec 01, 2011 11:28 am story writing |
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Thanks a lot for your response. This was my first post ever on any e-forum and am delighted to see your comments.
This short story is intended for Indian audience and I realise now that the language is too mature and as you rightly say 'dry'. I will do some work before posting another sample.
warm regards,
Nidhika |
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Nidhika
New Member
Joined: 29 Nov 2011
Posts: 3
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| #5 (permalink) Thu Dec 01, 2011 17:41 pm story writing |
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I'm glad you feel the feedback was helpful.
Before writing, I suggest you read as many stories for children as you can... particularly the stories which are proving popular with the younger readers.
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Beeesneees
Language Coach
Joined: 08 Apr 2010
Posts: 20463
Location: UK, born and bred
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