PLEASE . Help me comment this essay

[Tranthien_93]

1/do u agree or disagree with “ playing games can tech us about life “

Nowadays , playing games is increasingly widespread in our society , and some people think that is is good for their lives as they can learn a lot of things from games . However , I believe playing games do not contain necessary lessons about life .
Firsly, it is accepted that games are a kind of entertainment , and they do not contain much things about life .Games are established with a target is to give joy to people and help them to entertain with a lot of fightings or witty shapes .When playing games , people just want to have new appealing feelings , and as a result ,creators of games tend to creat such games to meet their demand ,which do not include any necessary lessons for our lives
Moreover , when playing games , we do not have opportunities to gain practical skills we need in our lives .Games just help us to improve techniques in games such as fighting , beating ,meanwhile we need some prastical skills such as communicating , persuading people or using computers .For example , in terms of jobs , the interviews will pay attention to soft skills ,experiences , not how good our techniques in games are.
Finally, the world in games is unrealistic, as it is established with the creator ‘s feelings about the world , meanwhile , each person has a view about the world which is different from others . As a result , games cannot open a real world , furthermore, it also cannot give us all necessary lessons about the world which are extremely crucial in our lives .
In conclusion , it seems to me that we cannot learn a lot of things about by playing games , because games do not contain lessons , opportunities to upgrade skills , and the world in games is different from the real world.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university arts lecture on Greek drama

[Katty2010]

Nowadays , playing games is increasingly BECOMING widespread in our society , and some people think that iT is good for their lives as they can learn a lot of things from games . However , I believe playing games do not contain necessary lessons about life .

Firsly, it is accepted that games are a kind of entertainment , BUT they do not TEACH much things about life . Games are established with a target is to give joy to people and help them to entertain with a lot of fightings or witty shapes .When playing games , people just want to have new appealing feelings , and as a result ,creators of games tend to creat such games to meet their demand ,which do not include any necessary lessons for our lives.


Moreover , when playing games , we do not have opportunities to gain practical skills we need in our lives .Games just help us to improve techniques in games such as fighting , beating ,meanwhile we need some prastical skills such as communicating , persuading people or using computers .For example , in terms of jobs , the interviews will pay attention to soft skills ,experiences , not how good our techniques in games are.

Finally, the world in games is unrealistic, as it is established with the creator ‘s feelings about the world , meanwhile , each person has a view about the world which is different from others . As a result , games cannot open a real world , furthermore, it also cannot TEACH give us all necessary lessons about the world which are extremely crucial in our lives
.
In conclusion , it seems to me that we cannot learn a lot of things about LIFE by playing games , because games do not contain lessons , opportunities to upgrade skills , and the world in games is different from the real world.

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Good Essay. You have to read more in order to write better. 7/10
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Just a confused kid... trying to live through twists & turns of life!
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Everything Is Temporary!

[Zinzin01]

Hello everyone, I deem that your essay lacks of linking word and academic word. Maybe it's mere subjective comment of mine !

[Tranthien_93]

Thanks very much . Could you tell me what score can i get in ielts with this essay ?

[Zinzin01]

I guess you would get 6 points !

[Tranthien_93]

please give me more predictions about my score :) ^^

[Zinzin01]

predictions ? what do you mean ?

[Tranthien_93]

i mean about my score :D . I hope that some others can guess my score , because i will get ielts in the next 2 weeks