Please can you review my essay about education Thanks a lot

[Milaniyamiila]

12. Education is the single most important factor in the development of a developing country. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Passport to Ielts)

I cannot totally agree that education is the only way for developing countries to improve their standards of living. Undoubtedly, education plays a crucial role both in the society and in the economy of any country. However, there are also several aspects which influence on development of the third world countries.
A lot of economists and scientist claim that economical and social well-being of any state depend on education, rooting out corruption, state of peace and good diplomatic relations with other countries.
In my opinion, education is not able to help to solve all problems facing developing countries, as demonstrated by republics of former Soviet Union or in other words Commonwealth of Independent States . Almost 99 per cent of adult and working-age population is literate and numerate. Former Soviet Republics have got the best system of education in the world. Students at school are broadly educated and the curriculum both at school and universities are very rich. Addition, there are world famous universities such as Lomonosov University, MIFI whose graduates are Nobel laureates. Nevertheless, one of the highest educational standards , most population of these countries hardly make ends meet and the minimum subsistence level is low.
In my view, that the main hindrance in developing Countries of Commonwealth of Independent States economies of is corruption. Moreover, some countries of these Republics are at war which also prevents their progress in the economy.
To summarize, education is a key factor which can stimulate the development of any country but at the same time there must be any wars, corruption must be uprooted, and good diplomatic relations must be settled.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a professor and a departmental secretary

[IELTSbuddy]

As usual, you have some good vocab and grammar, but you need to be careful about how you present your ideas. The ideas themselves are fine, but you spend too much time writing about the Soviet Union. It's a good example to illustrate your point, but you don't leave yourself enough time to explain exactly why some other things such as corruption are more important. Also, in your first body it was not really clear exactly how this was answering the question.
_________

Education is the single most important factor in the development of a developing country. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Passport to Ielts)

I cannot totally agree that education is the only way for developing countries to improve their standards of living. Undoubtedly, education plays a crucial role both in the society and in the economy of any country. However, there are also several other aspects which influence the development of the third world countries.

Firstly, research by notable people supports the fact that other factors are just as important as education. For example, a lot of economists and scientists claim that the economic and social well-being of any state depends not only on education, but also on rooting out corruption, the state of peace and good diplomatic relations with other countries. Therefore, these issues are obviously just as important. (It was not clear how this was connected to answering the question - I've added in a topic sentence and concluding sentence which will make this clearer)

From my experience, I also believe that education is not able to help to solve all problems facing developing countries, as demonstrated by the republics of the former Soviet Union or, in other words, the Commonwealth of Independent States . Almost 99 per cent of the adult and working-age population is literate and numerate. The former Soviet Republics have got the best system of education in the world. Students at school are broadly educated and the curriculums both at school and universities are very rich. In addition, there are world famous universities such as Lomonosov University, MIFI, whose graduates are Nobel laureates. Nevertheless, despite having one of the highest educational standards, most the population of these countries hardly make ends meet and the minimum subsistence level is low. (this is a very long paragraph - you may be better splitting it up - or maybe explain it more briefly and spend more time explaining the ideas below).

In my view, that the main hindrance in developing Countries of the Commonwealth of Independent States (don't just focus on this area - its ok to use it as an example, but remember the question is referring to developing countries generally) economies of is corruption. Moreover, some countries of these Republics are at war which also prevents their progress in the economy. (if you are going to introduce these new ideas and say that these two things are more important problems, you will need to explain why)

To summarize, education is a key factor which can stimulate the development of any country but at the same time there must not be any wars, corruption must be uprooted, and good diplomatic relations must be settled.
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[Milaniyamiila]

Happy New Year

[Milaniyamiila]

Thanks

[Milaniyamiila]

25. Children learn best by observing behavior of adults and copying it. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

As we know children are very observant and are likely to copy adults' behavior. Because of it leading psychologists compare children with sponge. There is a wise proverb stating that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
As for me, I firmly believe that children indeed behave like adults and I was convinced in it from my firsthand experience. My daughter is really my shadow. Once we went to the exhibition centre. There were lockers in the corridor which lead to the main exhibition hall. Bags and other stuff was forbidden to take with you and everybody had to leave things in these lockers. There was any notice that this service is to be paid, so I thought it is free. I opened it and put all out stuff inside it. After it was closed automatically I saw a tiny notice that a key would be released until a coin to be inserted. I left all money in my car which I parked about an hour walk from the exhibition centre. I was very frustrated and without thinking I said Damn it. I do not have any money now why not to hang a big advertisement in order everybody can notice it at once. Immediately after these my actions my daughter opened another locker then closed it and said Damn it. I am watching my words more closely.
There is another proverb connected with copying actions of parents by children. Here it is "Do as I say, not as I do" which means follow my advice but don't follow my example. Although many examples shows children would rather copy adult's actions that take words.
For instance, to sit with a cigarette in your hand and tell your kid not to smoke doesn't guarantee he or she will not smoke. My family exhibits that particular issue: My grandparents never smoked . My parents have never smoked. I have never smoked.
To summarise, in my view modelling appropriate behaviour is doing what you are teaching your children and the following proverb has proved it Actions speak louder that words.