 #2 (permalink) Wed Jan 04, 2012 15:19 pm Re: please check my essay |
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Hi, I am not an English teacher, but as a native English speaker, I have made some corrections and suggestions for your essay. Your essay is quite good for the most part, but you have to work harder on getting your articles and prepositions correct. Is your native language Russian? I notice many Russians have trouble with their articles - is that because Russian does not use them? I did like your essay though; it was very interesting to read.
| Krexma wrote: |
An optimist is someone who sees the good side of things. A pessimist sees the bad side. Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Relate a personal experience that shows this.
Accordingly to psychological theory{comma here} people are divided to[into] optimist[s ] who [are] hopefulness and confident about [the] future and pessimist[s ] who have [the] opposite approach to life. Personally, I follow[focus on the] affirmative side of life. Analyzing my personal experience will show reasons for such [a] choice of life.{this sentence is quite awkward}
Firstly, it has been shown that [a] positive attitude to life maintain[s a] healthy life style. In my opinion, health is [a] very important aspect of my life. Therefore, I endeavor to keep my mental and physical health in good shape. As can be seen, I am [the] master of myself even in stressful situations. For example, I started all my life [over] from the beginning when I did[went through] two immigration process[es ] twice .Even having many hindrances [in] studying new cultures and languages, I think always[always think] positive about my life and hope to[for] the best outcome knowing that it will help me to cope. Thus, good health demands [a] cheerful approach to life so I decided to be optimistic when I handle any difficulties.
Secondly, [a] positive outlook on life facilitate[s ] it{I would say "... outlook on life makes life easier"}. Therefore, I believe that all things happen for good and [I] always look for [a] positive outcome .For instance, I worked as a nurse and must[had to] be on time in[for my] shift. However, once I missed a[the] train to my work. I was not upset and I went to the bus station. Luckily, I met my coworker who took me quickly to a[my] hospital. Late[r ] it was announced that the train had [an] accident and people were in [a ] jam.{jam is too informal - say "and the passengers were delayed"} I am, on the contrarily[other hand] {or "I, in contrast, was .} was on time. From this it becomes quite evident that to be optimist make easier your life{your life easier}.
In summary, health and [an] easy–going way of life encourage me to choice[choose] an optimistic point of view in life. I would definitely say that I am optimist because I always see [a] half full glass of water and not [a] half empty [one]. This attitude to life I teach my children.
TOEFL listening discussions: Why is the young woman unfamiliar with Q22? |
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 Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2135
Location: Nashville TN, USA
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