looking forward to hearing your opinion about this independent writing sample

[Mochad]

Question: Some items (such as clothes or furniture) can be made by hand or by machine. Which do you prefer — items made by hand or items made by machine? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your choice.

Hand made items are preferable on those produced by machines. Buying a hand crafted product will end up boosting the economy. In addition, these items include added value and worth to be purchased unlike similar products done by robots. Added value includes priceless human power, their precious time and valuable efforts.

Hand craft business in any industry is usually a small one, meaning that it employ less than twenty worker. It is also associated with a limited amount of capital. On the other hand, there exists the multi-million factories. Despite their overwhelming capital, such businesses hire much less labors than their rivals from the hand made businesses do. This is becuase they are much dependent on robots and machines. The aforementioned fact implements that buying a hand crafted item will flourish this business thus urging it to expend, therefore adding additional jobs to the economy. Lower unemployment rates ensues an economical growth.

Moreover, hand made items are known as "value added items". Human power is one of the most important factors that provides an added value to a hand craft. In the end, humans are more creative than machines, consequently, a craftsman product is more creative than that of a machine. Further, a craftsman requires additional time and much more effort to exert on an item to finish it than those needed by a machine. Though some would believe that it is a negative factor, but by the means of "added value" it is completely the opposite, implying that hand crafted items are more precious.

To put in a nutshell, the awareness about the importance of hand made items should be spread, additionally, such products should be supported. Such support will benefit no one else than the supporter himself.

TOEFL listening discussions: What is the main weakness of the student's essay?

[Luschen]

Hi, You have written a pretty good essay. Your introduction should be reorganized. I am not a TOEFL grader, but in my opinion based on these criteria: http://www.ets.org/toefl/pbt/scores/writing_score_guide/ I would give this essay a 4.5/6. Just by adding the thesis statement at the right place it would be at least a 5.

[Mochad]

Thank you very much for your important corrections, even if I revise the passage 100 times I wont be able to find these mistakes :D:D