looking forward to hearing your opinion about this independent writing sample 3

[Mochad]

Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Schools should integrate physical exercise in their daily program. It is the school’s mission to prepare generations for the challenging future. Such preparation cannot be limited to academic studies, but should also focus on developing the students’ physical health at the same time. Moreover, athleticism plays a significant role in boosting the academic experience.

Schools role is to adequately raise the future generations so that they can face life’s obstacles properly, and that cannot be carried out through books only. In fact it should be accompanied by a strong physical education. Schools responsibilities should be broadened to include physical education in addition to the mental one. Narrowing school’s mission towards academic studies will certainly leave the students with no time to exercise. More studying ensues additional homework, consequently requiring the sacrifice of the time allotted to physical exercise.

Refreshing the students’ minds should urge schools to carry out athletic sessions. Athleticism is well known for its amazing ability in releasing tension and stress from the human body in an incredible time. Thus, after a mathematics or physics class for example, exercising can reenergize the students’ exhausted mental abilities. Exercising simply helps in increasing the blood cycle in the body, a process in which the mind will be provided with additional oxygen to refresh its extraordinary activities.

To wrap up, schools should be aware that physical exercise is a major contributor in the future success of students. So physical exercise should be observed as a complement to the academic abilities, afterwards, schools are to attempt to dissolve both in a homogeneous program.

TOEFL listening discussions: What problem does the student have?

[Luschen]

This is a great essay - wonderful organization and good vocabulary. I questioned a few of your word choices, but in my opinion based on these grading criteria: http://www.ets.org/toefl/pbt/scores/writing_score_guide/ I would rate it at least a 5.5/6.

[Mochad]

Thanks again Luschen, your comments are valuable.

Yes "an incredibly short time" is what i meant.

"are the activities of a normal mind extraordinary?": actually... no lol. You are right, I guess "extraordinary" should be omitted from the sentence. What I meant is that the way the brain works is amazing.

This sentence is unclear to me do you mean "So physical exercise should be observed as a complement to the academic abilities; without it school may risk sacrificing both in a homogeneous program." what I meant here is that both the physical exercise and academic studies should be combined together in a homogeneous program so that the students may obtain the ultimate benefit from this combination