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 #2 (permalink) Fri Jan 13, 2012 4:04 am Re: Check my game description |
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Wow, sounds great. Makes me want to play the game!
| Maniek wrote: |
Hello
I would be grateful if someone could check the description of my game.
★★★★★ Hello Dear Player!
★★★★★ I am glad you are here.
★★★★★ I have made this game for you.
★★★★★ Is it worth playing? - you may ask.
★★★★★ I am not the right person to answer.
★★★★★ You can play and find for yourself. {OK, but "... find out for yourself"} sounds better
★★★★★ The main hero of the game is a ball.
★★★★★ [The] Life of the ball is not easy. {or better - "The ball's life is not easy."}
★★★★★ It has to roll and bounce all the time.
★★★★★ The ball has one goal.
★★★★★ It wants to destroy all the evil bricks.
★★★★★ You can help the ball.
★★★★★ Play the game and control a ship.
★★★★★ Fly around and don't let the ball pass.
★★★★★ Be careful as the ball [ball's] speed increases.
★★★★★ The bonus items are there to help you.
★★★★★ Good luck my friend.
★★★★★ The ball is counting on you! {I thought you were playing against the ball? "Counting on you" means the ball wants you to help him. Maybe you mean "The ball is hoping you fail"?}}
TOEFL listening discussions: Why did the young woman sit in the rear seat of the car? |
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 Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2135
Location: Nashville TN, USA
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| #3 (permalink) Fri Jan 13, 2012 10:06 am Re: Check my game description |
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| Luschen wrote: |
Wow, sounds great. Makes me want to play the game!
| Maniek wrote: |
Hello
I would be grateful if someone could check the description of my game.
★★★★★ You can help the ball.
★★★★★ It wants to destroy all the evil bricks
★★★★★ The ball is counting on you! {I thought you were playing against the ball? "Counting on you" means the ball wants you to help him. Maybe you mean "The ball is hoping you fail"?}}
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Thank you for your help. You are playing against the evil bricks :)
Here is the game trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGK2pUIydtQ |
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Maniek
New Member
Joined: 12 Jan 2012
Posts: 3
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| #4 (permalink) Fri Jan 13, 2012 18:01 pm Check my game description |
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| Quote: |
Play the game and control a ship.
or
Play the game and control the ship. |
Which one is correct? |
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Maniek
New Member
Joined: 12 Jan 2012
Posts: 3
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| #5 (permalink) Fri Jan 13, 2012 19:30 pm Check my game description |
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| Maniek wrote: |
| Quote: |
Play the game and control a ship.
or
Play the game and control the ship. |
Which one is correct? |
If you have mentioned the ship already in a previous sentence say "control the ship". If this is the first time you are mentioning a ship, say "control a ship". In this case, "control a ship" would be best. |
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Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2135
Location: Nashville TN, USA
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| please check my essay | The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items |
