Please have a look at my essay

[Torsten84]

Hi,

Could somebody please check my essay? I had to write an essay (about 500 words) as a homework. The topic is globalization. Criteria of the task were to write balanced paragraphs so that each one has a pro and a contra point included. For that essay I had to read a text in my coursebook and my essay should fit to this particular text.

Hopefully, my writing isn't that bad :)
Enjoy reading.

Globalization: bless or curse?

In this essay I will discuss the issues of globalization. Most Western societies benefit from the unpredictable wonders brought by the globalization, but each wonder has its side effects.

First of all, Western companies make a fortune in manufacturing products abroad in so-called less developed countries such as India and China. They sell the products in other Western countries for much higher prices compared to the costs for production and transfer. In this way, the firms invest millions of Euros in these countries to build up complexes that create new jobs – abroad. Keiper, a German automotive seating manufacturer, has moved from locations in Germany to Poland in 2001.

Certainly, globalization didn’t lead only to a strong increase in manufacturing products; in fact, it did lead also to a wave of outsourcing. Expansive complexes and locations, mainly in Western countries, are under the pressure to be closed in future, because their producing costs are too high. A method of outsourcing and closing complexes raises unemployment rates across the whole Western hemisphere.

A further point of the globalization is that it accelerates the technologic growth. Smart phones, cell phones and the Internet are all siblings of the globalization. Without globalization technology wouldn’t have developed that way it has. Companies are using the available technology to organize web-based meetings with white collars worldwide. They improve their services through the use of such technologies that allow better and cost saving services. For example, imagine you are the proud owner of a Microsoft Office suit and during the registration you get an error code such as ‘there has been a problem with you serial number, please call 0800XXXXXX to get help’. The person you are talking to speaks German as well, but probably he/she sits on a chair in Northern Ireland in the support centre of Microsoft.

The last point mentioned builds the transition to the next point that is called job opportunities. A lot of people can benefit from Globalization, because they can work abroad and probably earn more money than before. Low skilled workers can easier migrate to countries where they can have better wages. Otherwise globalization is often seen as exploitation of cheap labourer common in less developed countries. Stories about bad working conditions are known from newspaper articles. Often they accompanied by child work the Nike football story should be noted here.

To sum up the facts about globalization, there are several advantages which comes with it. Cheap prices are most obvious to the people. Technologic growth is a spin-off of the globalization to which we all belong. Companies earn hundreds of millions through globalization while manufacturing in less developed countries. On the other hand, there is a dark side of globalization, which isn’t likely seen. The exploitation of cheap labourer, the bad working conditions they have to live with are most obvious. Not to forget the increasing unemployment rate in Western societies which is caused by closing complexes and outsourcing in the primary sector to which the car and steel industry are counting. Globalization enriches our daily life, but can we deal with the side effects it causes?

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a professor and his student

[Luschen]

Hi Torsten84. This is a wonderful essay except for the introduction. There were only a few outright errors, most of my other comments and just suggestions based on my personal opinion as a native English speaker.

[Torsten84]

HI,

thank you for correcting my essay and giving me points to work with.
The mentioned points really make sense to me.
Sometimes it is difficult to choose a word which fits in the context.

When the essay is rewrote, I will post it again.

[Luschen]

You are welcome; I look forward to your rewritten essay.