Can anyone check my second integrated task about cornea injury?

[Thaiham95]

This is from Deltakey preparation for the TOEFL IBT, Writing part. 4.1.A

I don't know if i have to post the content of reading and the lecture or not?

In this set of materials, the reading passage and the listening passage are about cornea injury. While the passage gives out the explanations of cornea injury, the lecturer supports the author by adding several causes and treatments.

Firstly, according to the reading passage, the cornea injury can create ulcer, small area of tissue after healing and may lead to disturbance in eyes vision. Additionally, the speaker supports the author by giving out many causes to cornea wound, included something hit in the face, flying debris and chemical such as ammonia, chlorine. Moreover, the professor also states that dryness and allergies, which are influenced by bacteria, nutritional deficiency, can cause inflammation to this injury.

Secondly, the reading gives explanations of a kind of cornea injury inflammation named keratitis, which have many symptoms such as bloodshot eyes, impaired vision. In addition to the reading passage, the lecture points out little number of causes of keratitis such as wearing hot contact lenses, over exposure to ultra violet light.

Finally, the author describes the diagnose of cornea injury, involving dropping special liquid in the eyes and using special microscope so as to discover cornea broken part. Moreover, the lecturer says that corneal injury can be treated through antibiotic oil and wearing eye patch until the eyes are totally healed.

Give my some feedback and comments, thanks in advance, i really appreciate all your efforts.

PS: i wonder if in an integrated task. The reading points out 3 key points, but the lecture only response to 2/3 points. Can i skip it? Moreover, can anyone show me how to choose the important and precise key points, supporting points. I'm not so fluent at this.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture in biology class

[Luschen]

Hi, your essay is pretty good, but there are quite a lot of small grammatical errors. See my corrections and comments below.

[Thaiham95]

Thanks you very much!! Members in this forum are so great