Looking forward to your revising!Please give me feefback and a band score! Thanks

[Forwriting]

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which there are sold.
To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, the importance of advertisements leads people to believe that the high sales of popular commodities result from the promotion of advertisements instead of the real demand of the market.

This is true when we consider the fact that commodities of great popularity are usually promoted through a great deal of advertisements on the television, in the Internet or newspaper. Moreover, substantial advertisements for commodities indeed are of considerable significance in the sales. This is because that people normally buy things that they are familiar with. Such familiarity can be gained through advertising campaign whose advertisements are informative in the products’ function and advantages. Furthermore, through thrilling slogans and exaggeration many advertisements can convince the customers to make impulsive shopping. Therefore, it is no wonder that the public attribute the high sales to the advertisements.

However, in the long term advertisements do not play the key role in high sales of popular commodities, as the needs of the society is the driving force of such purchases. As we all know, high sales depend a lot on the amount of time that allow the products to be available in the market. And the amount is decided by the real needs of the market. In other words, after the initial purchases out of some reason, customers would gradually realize if they are still going to need such products. If the answer is yes, the following purchases are the deciding factor in high sales. Those purchases decide how long those products can circulate in the market.

To sum up, I tend to agree that the say of high sales of popular commodities is still held by the actual demand of the market, although the advertisements are of contributions to them.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a social studies class

[Luschen]

Hi, your writing is very good. I found few grammatical errors and your vocabulary is extensive. I'm not sure what type of structure is correct for this type of essay. You use a "compare and contrast" type of argument where you presented both sides equally. I don't know whether you are expected to choose one side of the argument or the other and tailor your essay to support your viewpoint. Maybe someone else has more insight on this.

[Forwriting]

Thanks a lot! Your advice is very helpful!!!