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 #2 (permalink) Tue Jan 17, 2012 3:12 am Re: please have a look at my essay...... |
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Hi, you have written a very entertaining essay. Did you have to read the Bible in English or your own language? I have made some corrections and suggestions. Remember to always capitalize the word "I" as well as the first word in every sentence. Also make sure to put two spaces after each period and one space after each comma.
| Navii wrote: |
MY BEGINNING DAYS AFTER BEING AN ALTAR BOY...........
It had been [during] my school days when i had reached fifth standard{I assume this is like 5th grade?} [that] my church priest and parents started compelling me to join the altar boy community.At last i joined even [though] i {capitalize} was not interested to [in] that. {two spaces after period} On the first day, {1 space after comma} when the holy mass had started,the ten altar boys came and each five of them placed either sides{stood on either side} of the priest. I got the place [to the] right to[of] the priest. In my church, we had only one place{"spot" is better than place here and previously} for reading bible {capitalized Bible} [reading] [, which] that was situated on the left side. One should read the bible among those who are standing on the left side.{this sentence is a little unclear - try "Only those who were standing on the left side were to read the Bible"} In those days, i was very afraid to stand in front of a group. I felt i was safe on the right side so i continued to stand on the right side in every holy mass. But unfortunately,i my priest noticed that i was standing only on [the] right side. He instructed me to stand on the left side and read the Bible tomorrow[the next day] {tomorrow would only be correct here if you were speaking in present tense}. I felt very nervous. When the time reached[came] for reading the bible i came forward and started reading. Soon after i started reading,i experienced shivering coming from my legs and [it started] was radiating to all over my [entire] body. I lost my control and i couldn't complete the reading. Thus I lost my face in front of the people{"entire congregation" would be a better word choice here}!
TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a life sciences class |
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 Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2135
Location: Nashville TN, USA
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| #3 (permalink) Tue Jan 17, 2012 18:39 pm please have a look at my essay...... |
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hi,Luschen
thanks a lot......you are first person did correct my essay in this section........yes, i had to read own my language...if i had to read on English,my tongue would be paralyzed.....i think now you have realized my ability to handle the language English...keep on support me because i am trying for IELTS now a days...... |
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Navii
I'm new here and I like it ;-)
Joined: 27 Dec 2011
Posts: 15
Location: India
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| #4 (permalink) Wed Jan 18, 2012 0:06 am please have a look at my essay...... |
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| I would say you have a pretty good handle on the English language! If you post another essay here I will try to comment on it. |
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Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2135
Location: Nashville TN, USA
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| please check my essay | In order for any work of art—whether film, literature, sculpture, or a song |
