 #2 (permalink) Wed Jan 18, 2012 23:50 pm Re: please check my essay! |
|
|
Hi, you have written a good essay! We have season tickets to the local American football team, but we don't go very often due to these exact reasons.
| Namdm24 wrote: |
Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (For example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television.
Many people think that it is more exciting to enjoy a live performance than watching the same event on [television]…In [On] the other hand, a lot of people prefer watching television. In my opinion, it is better to watch an event on television because of comfortably, better finance and safety. [it is more comfortable, less expensive, and safer.]
Firstly, it is a lot more comfortable to watch an event on television. For example, when you go to a stadium for a live sport match, you need to wear formally[nice clothes] {formal wear is a tuxedo or suit}, while if you watch television at home, you can just wear a pajama[s ] {pajamas is always plural like pants or trousers] to enjoy the show. Further more{one word}, watching the event on television means that you do not need to worry about the noise of the crowd, or [that] someone use[is smoking] his cigarette right next to you…{one period}Thus, you can enjoy the show without any problems or anyone who can disturb you.[disturbances]
You can also save a lot of money by watching the event on television. In Viet Nam, it cost[s ] you nearly one million dong {that's a whole lotta dong! - just a little American joke ;) } to buy a ticket for a live performance, while if you stay at home to enjoy the show, you do not need to pay anything. Further more{one word}, if the stadium is too far from your house, you will have to get there by motorbike or taxi, which [will] also cost you a lot of money.
Finally, it is not safe to watch a live performance. For example, when you watch a live football match, your wallet can be easily stolen by a thief because there are so many people around you. Beside[s ], it also means that if something happen[s ] at the stadium, it is very difficult to get out of the stadium easily and you can be pushed by other people. Further more{one word}, the road is[roads are] also very dangerous nowadays. If you have to drive to the stadium, you will have more chance to be {"... chance of being a ..." sounds better} a victim in an accident, while if you stay at home to enjoy the event, you do not need to face all the[se] dangers above.
In conclusion, although watching a live performance have[has] many great advantages, I believe that it is more enjoyable to watch live performance[s ] on television] because of being comfortable, money-saving and being safe. [its comfort, cheapness and safety.]
TOEFL listening lectures: What is one problem with contribution approach? |
|
|
 Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2135
Location: Nashville TN, USA
|
