Prepare for IELTS exam. Please check my essay!!!!!!!!!!THANK YOU

[Edward_Rolandohmygod]

Topic:

In the past, sporting champions used to be motivated primarily by the desire to win a match or to break world records. These days, they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous.

What message dose this send to young people and how dose this attitude sport affect the sports themselves?

Give reasons for your answer.

In several decades ago, winning a match or breaking sport records was initially the motivation for champions’ effort, whereas nowadays a substantial number of athletes just play sports in order to earn more money or be popular. In this essay, I shall explore the both sides of these two trends, especially the latter.

It cannot be denied that money gets a strong power and is the biggest motivation for sport players today. The reason is that athletes, particularly footballers, usually have higher incomes than people who work in other fields. For example, European soccer players are able to earn thousands of dollars per week, while normal people impossibly do. As a result, they can afford many luxury villas or extremely modern cars, so they will try the best to become the winner.

On the other hand, money can easily distract sport players from practising because they concentrate excessively on the prize and lose the focus on training. A good example of this is a Vietnamese football player named Le Cong Vinh, who changed his very good team in 2011 because of higher bonus in the another worse group. Consequently, he played really badly in the new season and was fired.

Furthermore, despite claims that prospect of fame absolutely attracts the athletes, it is a fact that it likely brings a lot of trouble for their lives. For instance, if the players desire to be more popular at any cost, they will attempt to make some scandals. This leads to their fans and other people being really disappointed of them, so they will lose confidence in the future.

To conclude, in my opinion, prize money and fame are the huge motivations for athletes nowadays. However, concentrating too much on them makes the sport players lose focus on training. If they can combine the encouragement with their practice appropiately, success will come to them.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a marine biology class

[Luschen]

Hi, I am not an English teacher, but as a native English speaker, I have made some comments on your essay. I think you have done a good job - your grammar and vocabulary are pretty good. But your introduction and especially your thesis were weak so that I was not sure what exactly you are trying to prove. You did not fully address the prompt which asks you to focus on the effect on young people and the future of the sport.