Please check my essay :"> lessons in school or from outside of school

[Oad]

Topic. Some people think that we learn our most important lessons in school. Others think that the knowledge we acquire outside of school is the most important. Which view do you agree with?

Every day we acquire knowledge from various sources such as lessons in school or experience from outside of school. Some people prefer the later, but I prefer the former source of knowledge for some reasons. I think getting knowledge from lessons in school is much easier, secured, and also very practical.

Starting with advantages of lessons in school, I say “it’s much easier to learn” because the lessons are guided by our respectful teachers. For example, my math teacher used to spend half of his period explaining the solution to a difficult exercise for me until I understood. Without him, maybe I never understand the solution. Besides, the knowledge we get from school is always secured. Obviously, it was verified and applied by hundreds of scientists, people and even generations before being imparted to us. Therefore, there’s no need taking risky mistakes to verify the knowledge again.

On the other side, getting knowledge from outside of school is really risky and time-consuming. For example, in order to learn how to run a business, in case of having no former lessons, one needs to try several times, and makes several mistakes before being successful. However, the process itself really takes a lot of time, and if mistakes during the process were too severed, one might not recover to continue.

Nonetheless, many people argue that schools only give us theories some of which are impractical, and useless, while all the knowledge gotten from outside of school can be applied right away. For me, the argument was only right in the past because schools now provide us with plenty of opportunities to apply what we learn into our real lives. For examples, we have equipped laboratories to apply scientific knowledge, and part-time jobs to gain working experience that are all provided by schools.

In conclusion, advantages of lessons in school outweigh that of knowledge from outside of school, but none of them can be dismissed. Only by acquiring knowledge from both two sources, can we succeed in our lives.

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I'll really appreciate, if anyone of you can check my essay.
It can be even more awesome if you can give me some opinions, and score.
Thank you a lot in advance.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture in social science class

[Luschen]

Hi, I am not an English teacher, but as a native English speaker I have made some comments on your essay. I think you have done a good job. I would not use "secure" in describing school-learned knowledge. I would say "authoritative" or "reliable" or "dependable" instead. I am not a TOEFL scorer, but based on these criteria: http://www.ets.org/toefl/pbt/scores/writing_score_guide/ I would give your essay a 5/6

[Oad]

Hi Lunschen,
Thank you a lot for helping me, I really appreciate your help.
I'm carefully checking again your correction so that they'll not be repeated next time.
Thank you again