| Check my essay please,i prepare the TOEFL® test for may,5 Thanks a lot | please check my essay about childhood is the happiest time of life. |
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 #1 (permalink) Thu Jan 19, 2012 23:32 pm please help me for checking my essay. |
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Argumentative essay: Should be ended the lives of fatally ill people?
People get various diseases through their lives. Some of these diseases are temporary and unfourtanately some are permanent and painful. Especially, with the increase of the electronic mechanisms that are often used in daily life, the number of lethal diseases such as cancer have risen in the last decades. Most people suffer substantially from these illnesses and they want to end their life. This demand is not acceptable. Therefore , the lives of fatally ill people should not be ended although it is patients' desire.
Firstly, the new medical discoveries for lethal diseases can be invented easily thanks to technology that has developed quickly in the recent years. For example, a patient who gets the lung cancer, suffers from this illnesses and naturally feels hopeless. However, todays various medical developments are a source of hope for patients who decide to euthanasia, so they can defeat this terminally disease instead of thinking the death.
On the other hand, some people support that fatally ill people have the right to end their life. They believe that patients suffer continuosly from terminally ill and the ending of their lives is the better method for suffering less pain. They are right to some extent because, these ilnesses damage physically and emotionally people. This is a terrible period. However, while patients are determining to end their life, they have a hopeless mood, so they can not realize that every moment of life is precious even if they have a fatally ill.
To sum up, terminally ill people can want to end their life in order to escape immediately from the excessive pain of letal ilness, this is a normal period for their psychology. However, this should be prevented by their family because, live is the basic right of people even during fatally ilnesses.
TOEFL listening discussions: Where does this conversation probably take place? |
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 Ditel
New Member
Joined: 19 Jan 2012
Posts: 4
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| #2 (permalink) Fri Jan 20, 2012 3:49 am Re: please help me for checking my essay. |
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Hi, I am not an English teacher, but as a native English speaker, I have made some comments on your essay.
| Ditel wrote: |
Argumentative essay: Should be ended the lives of fatally ill people?
People get various diseases through[out] their lives. Some of these diseases are temporary and[but] unfourtanately{spelling} some are permanent and painful. Especially, with the increase of the electronic mechanisms {I would say chemicals in the air and food are more likely culprits} that are often used in daily life, the number of lethal diseases such as cancer have risen in the last decades. Most people suffer substantially from these illnesses and they [may] want to end their life[lives] {surely not all cancer patients want to end thier lives?}. This demand is not acceptable. Therefore , the lives of fatally ill people should not be ended although it is [the] patients' desire.
Firstly, the new medical discoveries for lethal diseases can be invented{I would say "cures ... can be discovered"} easily thanks to technology that has developed quickly in the recent years. For example, a patient who gets the lung cancer,{no comma} suffers from this illnesses and naturally feels hopeless. However, todays[today's] various medical developments are a source of hope for patients who [would] decide to [on]euthanasia, so they can defeat this terminally disease instead of thinking the[choosing] death.
On the other hand, some people support{"reason" is a better word here or "support the idea that ..."} that fatally ill people have the right to end their life. They believe that patients suffer continuosly {sp} from terminally ill [terminal illness] and the ending of their lives is the better method for suffering less[reducing their] pain. They are right to some extent because, these ilnesses {sp} damage physically and emotionally people.[people both physically and emotionally] This is a terrible period. However, while patients are determining to end their life[lives], they have a[are in] hopeless mood[s ], so they can not {one word} realize that every moment of life is precious even if they have a fatally ill[fatal illness or "they are fatally ill"].
To sum up, terminally ill people can want to end their life[lives] in order to escape immediately from the excessive pain of letal ilness,{sp} this is a normal period {"response" is better} for their psychology. However, this should be prevented by their family because, live[life] is the basic right of people even during fatally ilnesses.{sp}
TOEFL listening discussions: Where does this conversation probably take place? |
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Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2135
Location: Nashville TN, USA
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| #3 (permalink) Fri Jan 20, 2012 9:41 am Re: please help me for checking my essay. |
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| Luschen wrote: |
Hi, I am not an English teacher, but as a native English speaker, I have made some comments on your essay.
| Ditel wrote: |
Argumentative essay: Should be ended the lives of fatally ill people?
People get various diseases through[out] their lives. Some of these diseases are temporary and[but] unfourtanately{spelling} some are permanent and painful. Especially, with the increase of the electronic mechanisms {I would say chemicals in the air and food are more likely culprits} that are often used in daily life, the number of lethal diseases such as cancer have risen in the last decades. Most people suffer substantially from these illnesses and they [may] want to end their life[lives] {surely not all cancer patients want to end thier lives?}. This demand is not acceptable. Therefore , the lives of fatally ill people should not be ended although it is [the] patients' desire.
Firstly, the new medical discoveries for lethal diseases can be invented{I would say "cures ... can be discovered"} easily thanks to technology that has developed quickly in the recent years. For example, a patient who gets the lung cancer,{no comma} suffers from this illnesses and naturally feels hopeless. However, todays[today's] various medical developments are a source of hope for patients who [would] decide to [on]euthanasia, so they can defeat this terminally disease instead of thinking the[choosing] death.
On the other hand, some people support{"reason" is a better word here or "support the idea that ..."} that fatally ill people have the right to end their life. They believe that patients suffer continuosly {sp} from terminally ill [terminal illness] and the ending of their lives is the better method for suffering less[reducing their] pain. They are right to some extent because, these ilnesses {sp} damage physically and emotionally people.[people both physically and emotionally] This is a terrible period. However, while patients are determining to end their life[lives], they have a[are in] hopeless mood[s ], so they can not {one word} realize that every moment of life is precious even if they have a fatally ill[fatal illness or "they are fatally ill"].
To sum up, terminally ill people can want to end their life[lives] in order to escape immediately from the excessive pain of letal ilness,{sp} this is a normal period {"response" is better} for their psychology. However, this should be prevented by their family because, live[life] is the basic right of people even during fatally ilnesses.{sp}
TOEFL listening discussions: Where does this conversation probably take place? |
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thank you very much Luschen.
I am trying to write an effective essay for the profeciency exam of my university.
Really, your comments are quite valuable for me because i understood my mistakes. |
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Ditel
New Member
Joined: 19 Jan 2012
Posts: 4
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| #4 (permalink) Sat Jan 28, 2012 0:14 am Re: please help me for checking my essay. |
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| Good site |
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Sddk
I'm new here and I like it ;-)
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Posts: 10
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| Check my essay please,i prepare the TOEFL® test for may,5 Thanks a lot | please check my essay about childhood is the happiest time of life. |
