 #2 (permalink) Sun Jan 22, 2012 6:23 am Re: please revise my essay |
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Hi, you had quite a few grammar and vocabulary errors in your essay, especially in your introduction. I found it easier to go ahead and rewrite parts of your essay to make them more grammatically correct. Please compare your writing with my revision and let me know if anything does not make sense to you.
| Arsha_0o wrote: |
Technology has made our live easier, do you agree or disagree
Nowadays, technology promotes our lives in the high speed and brings us a lot of facilities and comfort. But, these advances in human beings’ lives are associated with some obstacles which are not deliberate attempts. Because of this, while some people think that modern technologies bring us vast benefits, the others do not accept it and declare that they are disturbing our life. In my view every side has its own merits which should be considered when making a decision about the effect of technology in our lifestyle.
Nowadays, technology gives our lives a faster pace and brings us many new conveniences and comforts. But these advances in people's lives also come with some coincidental obstacles. Because of this, while some people think that modern technology brings us vast benefits, other do not agree and declare that it is diminishing our happiness. In my view, each side has its own merits which should be considered when making a decision about the effect of technology on our lifestyles.
In the first place, despite any welfare which is existed in modern days, huge amounts of pollution are created in the earth. Technology in transportation, for example, is discharged a great deal of carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide which are hazardous for people. Last year, statistics which were published in a health magazine in my country, showed that more than 800 people die in each day in Tehran as a result of breath problems. Moreover, nuclear power plants which produce electricity, remain a numerous amounts of nuclear wastes which will be not dissolved in the next thousands years. Thus, Technology, however, can harm our lives.
In the first place, despite a general increase in prosperity in these modern days, huge amounts of pollution are created throughout the earth. Transportation technology, for example, has resulted in the discharge of a great deal of carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide which are hazardous for people. Last year, statistics which were published in a health magazine in my country showed that more than 800 people die in each day in Tehran as a result of breathing problems. Moreover, nuclear power plants which produce electricity, remain a huge source of nuclear waste which will be radioactive for thousands of years. Thus, technology can definitely harm our lives.
On the other hand, progress in health field, encourage people to live longer than before. In past, people usually died because of every simple illness. But now, doctors can heal even individuals who deal with cancer diseases. In addition, contemporary technology makes it easier to go distant places in less time. It also, brings people equipment to see every place or every people they want with the broad internet technology. These facilities increase the sense of pleasure and welfare in everybody's life. Therefore, technology brilliantly affects our life in a positive way.
On the other hand, progress in the health fields allows people to live longer than ever before. In past, people usually died because of even simple illnesses. But now, doctors can even heal individuals who are stricken with cancer. In addition, contemporary technology makes it easier to go to distant places in less time. It also allows people to see every place or every person they want with the widespread internet technology. These facilities increase the sense of pleasure and welfare in everybody's life. Therefore, technology brilliantly affects our life in a positive way.
Taking everything into consideration, I believe that, the advantages of technology outweigh the disadvantages. Health care coupled with lifestyle’s welfare are prominent impacts of technology which arises in modern day’s life and play an important role on it. Finally, I hope that the future technology diminishes disadvantages and highlight the advantages more than ever.
Taking everything into consideration, I believe that the advantages of technology outweigh the disadvantages. Health care coupled with an increase in society's welfare are prominent impacts of technology which arise in modern day life and play an important role in it. Finally, I hope that future technology can reduce the disadvantages and highlight the advantages more than ever.
TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a Drama professor |
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 Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2135
Location: Nashville TN, USA
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