 #2 (permalink) Tue Jan 24, 2012 22:14 pm Re: please review my essay about the university sport activities . thanks in adva |
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Hi, your writing is quite good. Try to focus more on how sports will help the university. You sort of talk about this but don't state directly that happy, healthy, relaxed students will be able to focus more on their classes and learn more from their lessons. Also, please CAPITALIZE!
| Mofan522 wrote: |
do you agree that: university should give the same amount of money to their students sport activities as they give to their university libraries.
there is no doubt that university library[ies] play a significant role in our academic study. although each the university give[s ] a generous budget to the improvement of the library, it is always considered far from enough. however , the investment in students sport activities is[has] long time[been] ignored not only by the university['s] policy[policies] , but also by the requirement[s ] of the student’s union, because the effects of sport in our campus activity are underestimated.
in the first [place] , the essential function of the sport activities is to give the student[s ] more physical training. this training are[is] both useful to strength[en] their body[bodies] and to relieve the[ir] stress. for instance , some aerobics sport[s ] :such as yoga, and gymnastic[s ] could help us to reinforce our bod[ies] and get rid of the disease. Although these sport[s ] are not as heavy[strenuous] as the sports for example:[such as] football, swimming , they are more efficient to reduce[in reducing] our stresses. before my university life , in[due to a] lack of time to practice , I used to take the vitamin C to avoid the epidemic[getting sick]. but now I break[have broken] this habit . in stead{one word} of the vitamin C, the sport[s ] practice make[s ] me more healthier and happier .
after that, the sport[s ] is[are] also the best way to make the[a] new friend and learn the member[team] spirit. obviously , this advantage show[s up] better in some team sport[s ] , such as volleyball and basketball . in university , I take part in the campus volleyball team ,{period} we built our own club , and create[d ] the interclub rule ourselves. in[On] each Friday evening , we have a club meeting to discuss the game strategies and make the[to teach this] knowledge of the new person in the same domain[to the new members]. in this occasion[way] , we have not only built up our membership , but [have] also make[made] famous our team in[on] the campus. it’s a really valuable experience.
in conclusion, I insist, with my experience [detailed] in this essay, the[that] university sport activities facility development should also be considered as the same[equally] importance as the library construction. in[On] the campus , we need not only the academic knowledge , but also the physical training .
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 Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2135
Location: Nashville TN, USA
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