| Please, grade my integrated Essay! | Toefl® Speaking Practice 3- please check accent. |
Message |
Author |
 #1 (permalink) Wed Jan 25, 2012 4:03 am skill to be successful in world |
|
|
I completed the essay in 30min but did not review the whole essay. So I am pretty sure that there are many mistakes. Please check my essay and score me as well. I will really appreciate it.
What is a very important skill a person should learn in order to be successful in the world today? Choose one skill and use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.
There are many people in our world's history who faced different hurdles or challenges in their life to earn fame, respect, or in simple words, to be successful in life. Different people have different approaches to succeed in life, for instance, optimism, positive attitude, hard work and many more. All of them are very important, however in my opinion, one of the many skills that makes a person successful in life, is Time management.
When a child comes in this world, he starts his first lesson from his home. His parents or guardians teach him the basic lessons of life. One of the lessons that parents must teach them is time management. Parents can make them organize things in their room, can guide them how to schedule their daily routine, no matter what they follow afterwards. Giving my own example, when I was in junior school, my parents helped me a lot to manage time for my studies and playing game with my friends. Moreover, if the parents themselves are organised, know how to give time to their work and spend an ample time with the family, they become the models for their children. So the first lesson of managing the things starts right at home.
Students after finishing schooling, go to the colleges or universities. They meet different people belonging to different cultures and study under the guidance of highly qualified teachers. Some students live on campus while the other live away from the college, meaning in apartment buildings. It is of concern for a student to manage time for his education and extracurricular activities. This not only helps him to manage time during his career but also helps in future.
In addition, when people move in a society, they come across different kinds of working environment,for example, working in an office, or in a company as an employee. The people who are punctual, regular and finish their work in the given time period, always succeed. These people excel in life, and remain in the good book of their boss or superviser. By managing time, they tackle difficult tasks confidently. Apart from the fact that they get a higher rank in their workplace, they also earn respect from the staff.
In short, whether you are at home, an educational institute or in a professional field, it is one of the ethic of being successful that you must know how to manage time.
TOEFL listening lectures: To which entertainment does the lecturer not relate Greek drama? |
|
 Apple0
I'm here quite often ;-)
Joined: 24 Oct 2011
Posts: 100
|
|
|
| #2 (permalink) Wed Jan 25, 2012 4:37 am Re: skill to be successful in world |
|
|
Hi AppleO. I think this is a very good essay. Just a few errors and a couple phrases which I think could have been stated better. Based on these grading criteria: http://www.ets.org/toefl/pbt/scores/writing_score_guide/ in my opinion, I would give your essay a 5/6
| Apple0 wrote: |
I completed the essay in 30min but did not review the whole essay. So I am pretty sure that there are many mistakes. Please check my essay and score me as well. I will really appreciate it.
What is a very important skill a person should learn in order to be successful in the world today? Choose one skill and use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.
There are many people in our world's history who faced different hurdles or challenges in their life[lives] to earn fame, respect, or in simple{I would say "simpler"} words, to be successful in life. Different people have different approaches to succeed in life, for instance, optimism, positive attitude, hard work and many more. All of them are very important, however in my opinion, one of the many[the most important] skills that makes a person successful in life, is Time{no caps} management.
When a child comes in[to] this world, he starts{"learns" would be better} his first lesson from his[at]{your sentence implied that the home was doing the teaching} home. His parents or guardians teach him the basic lessons of life. One of the lessons that parents must teach them{omit, or say "him"} is time management. Parents can make them[their children] {you switched from "him" to "them", which sounded awkward} organize things in their room, can guide them [in]how to schedule their daily routine, no matter what they follow afterwards.{I don't understand what this last phrase means} Giving my own example, when I was in junior school, my parents helped me a lot to manage time for my studies and [for] playing game[s ] with my friends. Moreover, if the parents themselves are organised, know how to give time to their work and spend an ample time with the[ir] family, they become the models for their children. So the first lesson of managing the things {I would say "your life" - usually when you say "things" it means you have not been able to choose the best word} starts right at home.
Students after finishing schooling, go to the colleges or universities.{in the U.S. we say "go to college or university"} They meet different people belonging{"who belong" sounds better} to different cultures and study under the guidance of highly qualified teachers. Some students live on campus while the other[others] live away from the college, meaning{"namely" or omit} in apartment buildings. It is of concern["critical" or "important"] for a student to manage time for his education and extracurricular activities. This not only helps him to manage time during his career but also helps in [his] future.
In addition, when people move in a society, they come across different kinds of working environment[s ],for example, working in an office, or in a company as an employee. The people who are punctual, regular and finish their work in the given time period, {no comma here}always succeed. These people excel in life, and remain in the good book {I am not familiar with this idiom. In the U.S. the "good book" usually means the Bible. You could say "remain in the good graces of their boss"}of their boss or superviser. By managing time, they tackle difficult tasks confidently. Apart from the fact that they get a higher rank in their workplace, they also earn respect from the staff.
In short, whether you are at home, [at] an educational institute or in a professional field, it is one of the ethic[s ] of being successful that you must know how to manage time.
TOEFL listening lectures: To which entertainment does the lecturer not relate Greek drama? |
|
|
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2135
Location: Nashville TN, USA
|
|
| #3 (permalink) Thu Jan 26, 2012 3:08 am skill to be successful in world |
|
|
Thank you very much for checking my essay. In first paragraph where you did not get my point, I was trying to say that when parents should teach them how to manage time for their study and other activities, though it depends on children whether they listen to them(follow them) or not. I know my point was supposed to be clear for the reader.
Secondly, I heard the phrase "be in good books" in a television programe long time ago. I will try to avoid such kind of awkward words next time hopefully. |
|
Apple0
I'm here quite often ;-)
Joined: 24 Oct 2011
Posts: 100
|
 |
| #4 (permalink) Thu Jan 26, 2012 3:50 am skill to be successful in world |
|
|
How about this: "Parents can help their children organize things in their room and can guide them in how to schedule their daily routine, even if they cannot force their children to follow through with the guidelines."
Also, I looked up "be in good books" and you are correct, it is an idiom which is used in Great Britain, but not so often in the U.S. I would say that when you use an idiom, make sure not to modify it. You said "be in the good book". It is only a small difference, but that is what helped to confuse me. (Along with the fact that I am generally quite confused with life anyway. ;) ) |
|
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2135
Location: Nashville TN, USA
|
|
| #5 (permalink) Thu Jan 26, 2012 4:43 am skill to be successful in world |
|
|
| Hi Luschen thanks for your suggestions. They are really helpful. You remind me of favorite mentor Kitosdad. Will you do me a favor, can you please check my speaking skill in the listening and speaking section of the forum whenever you have time or if it does not bother you? I really need your help. |
|
Apple0
I'm here quite often ;-)
Joined: 24 Oct 2011
Posts: 100
|
|
| #6 (permalink) Thu Jan 26, 2012 5:09 am skill to be successful in world |
|
|
| Apple0 wrote: |
| Hi Luschen thanks for your suggestions. They are really helpful. You remind me of favorite mentor Kitosdad. Will you do me a favor, can you please check my speaking skill in the listening and speaking section of the forum whenever you have time or if it does not bother you? I really need your help. |
Thanks, I think being compared to Kitosdad is a great honor indeed. I saw one of your posts on the speaking forum did not have a recording. I listened to your banana recording. I am not sure what feedback you are looking for. You were easy to understand although of course you have a strong Indian accent, which is one of my favorites ;) . Speaking a little more slowly would also help. What exactly are they looking for on the TOEFL speaking section? Maybe you could make a few more recordings. |
|
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2135
Location: Nashville TN, USA
|
|
| #7 (permalink) Thu Jan 26, 2012 23:13 pm hi |
|
|
Please activate Javascript in your browser to listen to this audio recording | 12 Listened |
Please listen to my recording and respond with a voice message too. Many thanks. |
|
Apple0
I'm here quite often ;-)
Joined: 24 Oct 2011
Posts: 100
|
|
| #8 (permalink) Fri Jan 27, 2012 4:34 am Re: hi |
|
|
Please activate Javascript in your browser to listen to this audio recording | 7 Listened |
Hi AppleO |
|
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2135
Location: Nashville TN, USA
|
|
|
| Please, grade my integrated Essay! | Toefl® Speaking Practice 3- please check accent. |
Download mp3