Simulation from the official guide. Both writing essays.

[m@zzi]

Ok, this morning I completed the first simulation test from the Official guide of TOEFL.
I would like you to review both my essays.
For the integrated task, it is sufficient an organization and grammatical review, since I am able to check if I included all of all the key points listened in the lecture.

Unfortunately, the program doesn't allow me to copy the texts, so I added 2 images.
I hope this is not a big issue. Otherwise, give me a general feedback.

Thank you so much

Independent task title: Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Others prefer to live with their families for a longer time.







TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture by a professor of Sociobiology

[Luschen]

So are these two images your answers? They are very hard for me to read as the text is so fuzzy.

[m@zzi]

OK later I will try to upload them in a better quality.
Do you know others alternatives?

[Beeesneees]

Copy and paste your text into the message box.
_________________
Cheers m' dears!

[m@zzi]

the software doesn't allow to do that.

[Beeesneees]

Sorry, I can see that you mentioned that now.

What did you use to get the images?
_________________
Cheers m' dears!

[m@zzi]

paint

[Beeesneees]

Try Gadwin printscreen. (Don't download the Pro version - scroll right down to the bottom program which is the freeware version).
http://www.gadwin.com/download/

When it's downloaded and installed, it will load an icon in your icon tray (usually the bottom right hand corner, by the clock). I recommend that you right click on the icon and go to properties, then make the following changes before you use it:
Source - choose 'rectangular area' and untick 'capture mouse cursor'.
Image - change to 'JPEG Bitmap'.

Once you've done that clicking the 'prt Scrn' key on your keyboard will bring up a rectangle which you resize over whatever you wish to capture. Then click 'enter' to save the image which you can upload as an image.

Here's a screenprint to show the quality of the capture of this text:



As you can see, even when the font is tiny it is readable.
_________________
Cheers m' dears!

[m@zzi]

thank you very much Beeesneees! Here they are!

[Luschen]

Hi, this format makes it a little harder to offer corrections, but I will give it a shot. In my notation, 2:4 means 2nd paragraph, 4th line There really are not too many errors in either of these essays:

Essay #1
2:4 weaken should be weakens
3:2 then it should be it then
3:3 of meerkats should be of the meerkats
3:7 alert should be alerts

4:5 donation should be donations
4:6 to be sounds better if you change it to "as"

Essay #2

1:2 places should be opportunities
1:3 to gain should be of gaining
1:4 longer should be long

2 and 3 in these paragraphs, personality isn't quite the correct word - I would say character
2:1 build your personality should be improve your character
3:2 against should be "struggling against" or "confronting"
2:6 work relying should be work by relying

3:1 increase ... personality should be improvement ... character
3:6 in many should be on many
3:7 out should be deleted

in the last three lines, gaining and independence are misspelled.
in the second to last line, "rather" should be deleted

[m@zzi]

thank you so much. do you feel that right now i could achieve an average of 3.75 for both essays referring to

http://www.ets.org/Media/Tests/TOEFL/pdf/Writing_Rubrics.pdf

?

Of course, you can't judhe the content for the integrated task, but let's assume that I have done a good job, but not an outstanding one (there are present all the key points. However I refer to generic donations between people, when the lecture talked about organ donations).

Thanks for your feedback

[Luschen]

I am sort of learning how the scoring works myself. I have been helping another student who just took the test and he received a 4/5. I think your writing is a little better than his, so I think a 4/5 is very probable. I just am not sure how many minor errors in the essay it takes to reduce it from a 5 to a 4. When you take the test, i would appreciate it if you let me know how you score so I can have a better frame of reference.

[m@zzi]

Sure! I'll take the test on the 11th of February. Then I'll let you know!