looking forward to hearing your opinion about this independent writing sample

[Mochad]

Drivers should pay a fee for driving in busy city streets when traffic is in a great amount.

The world's population is now over seven billion. This fact ensued different consequences. One major result was the increase in vehicles number that is leading to a serious traffic jams especially in cities. And as it's known that a city doesn't have enough room to widen its roads because of the presence of obstacles such as buildings and infrastructure. Therefore, other solutions were proposed such as obliging the drivers to pay a fee when driving inside the city. I believe this is an amazing solution because of many reasons.

First of all, such fee will urge the drivers to think twice before using their cars inside the city to carry out secondary activities. Recent studies have revealed that a significant proportion of car drivers drive their cars just to spend time. Furthermore, another portion uses their vehicles to perform activities in places that can be reached through walking for a short distance from their houses. The succeed in decreasing the number of drivers that undergo the previous cases will end up in decreasing the number of vehicles on streets thus mitigating the traffic jams. In addition, a new source of income for the government would be formed!

Additionally, setting a fee will make it economically attractive for citizens to use other means of transportation to carry out significant activities such as buying food or going to work. These transportation that they can use can be either public, such as buses, trains, subways... or private like taxis. The advantage of doing so is that we can substitute four cars with one driver in each, with only one taxi with four passengers; therefore saving a lot of space from the road, consequently decreasing the traffic jams.

To put it in a nutshell, yes, charging fees from drivers driving in a city will succeed in reducing the traffic jam. This is because it'll motivate citizens to either go on feet, or use public/private transportation; and in both cases it would be a perfect and smooth solution for the traffic jam problem from one side, and a profitable investment for the government from another.

TOEFL listening lectures: When was Angkor Wat constructed?

[Luschen]

Hi Mochad, great job! Just a few minor errors and a couple sentences I thought could be written better. Please see my comments below.

[Mochad]

Thank you Luschen for your help :)

You said: "I don't like the fact that you keep changing verb tense in this paragraph. If you can keep it all past or all present, it will sound much better". That reminds me with my high school English teacher! She told me that a couple of times!! But it sounds that I'm still having the same problem. Can you be precise and point out such undesirable tense changes?

[Luschen]

[Mochad]

Get the point Luschen... it is done in 3 places:
1) This fact has many related consequences
2) One major result is the increase
3) other solutions are being proposed