Google
English-Test.net
Find penpals and make new friends today!
 
to trim; to decorate; to embellish; to adorn
scourge
admonish
garnish
dispatch
full quiz correct answer
 
Username
Password
 Remember me? 
Search   Album   FAQ   Memberlist   Profile   Private messages   Register   Log in 

Please check my TOEFL®® essay please! Thank you!



 
TOEFL Practice tests Increase your TOEFL test score with
120 Vocabulary + 100 Grammar tests
600 TOEFL flashcards plus an ESL book
ESL Forum | Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and essay samples collection
TOEFL®: Living in a big city or in a small town? | Integrated task
listening exercisestell a friend
Message
Author
Please check my TOEFL® essay please! Thank you! #1 (permalink) Thu Jan 26, 2012 23:08 pm   Please check my TOEFL® essay please! Thank you!
 

152-What is the most important animal in your country Why is the animal important Use reasons and specific details to explain your answer.

My country's economy based on agriculture and it is still developing. Therefore livestock breeding becomes important for economy. Especially, cows are the most significant animal for my country. Because we can utilize its meat, milk and also leather. It’s all part of body is utilized and it is essential animal for my country.

First of all, meat is very common food in my country. My country's people like meat and they usually use it when they cook something. Also our country's cows are delicious than other cows. For instance, our government import some kinds of cows such as Angus because of lack of cows. When people eat both of them, they can choose these meat because our cows are delicious than Angus. Therefore our country's cow is important and valuable because they feed different kind of grasses and these grasses become delicious them.

Moreover, milk is very important food for people. It has lots of benefit for people, especially, children. Producing milk is become important them in my country. My country is still developing and big percent of people are children. Milk is the most important food for young people and children. Our country can produce their milk and in fact remained milk is export. Therefore cow supply enough milk for my country and it comes extra money in my country's economy.

Last but not least, confection industry is important for economic income. The most important reason of developed confection industry is livestock breeding. Cows' leathers is most important commodity for confection industry. Also it become the most important my country in the confection industry.

To sum up, cow is the most important animal for my country. Because we can use their milk, meat and leather. It gains us food, clothes and money. In my opinion, it is very benefical animal for every country. It is like a alive factory!

TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the professor mention Mona Lisa?
Spartacus
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 26 Jan 2012
Posts: 34

Re: Please check my TOEFL® essay please! Thank you! #2 (permalink) Fri Jan 27, 2012 4:09 am   Re: Please check my TOEFL® essay please! Thank you!
 

Hi, please see my comments below.

Spartacus wrote:
152-What is the most important animal in your country Why is the animal important Use reasons and specific details to explain your answer.

My country's economy [is] based on agriculture and it is still developing. Therefore livestock breeding [has] becomes important for [our] economy. Especially[Specifically], cows are the most significant animal for[in] my country. {comma here} Because we can utilize its[their] meat, milk and also leather. It’s all part of[entire] body is utilized and it is essential animal for my country. {try to have your thesis statement as the last sentence of your introduction - give a brief summary of your arguments here}

First of all, meat{maybe say "beef" which is cow meat} is [a] very common food in my country. My country's people like meat and they usually use it when they cook something. Also our country's cows are {more} delicious than other cows. {maybe say "our country's cows produce beef which is more delicious than any other" we eat beef, not cow} For instance, our government import[s ] some kinds of cows such as Angus because of lack of [native] cows. When people eat both of them, they can choose these meat[the native beef] because our cows are [more] delicious than Angus. Therefore our country's cow [production] is important and valuable because they feed[eat] different kind of grasses and these grasses become delicious them[beef]. {this last sentence sounds "tacked on"}

Moreover, milk is [also a] very important food for people. It has lots of benefit for people, especially,{no comma here} children. Producing milk is[has] become important them in my country. My country is still developing and [a] big percent[age] of people are children. Milk is the most important food for young people and children. Our country can produce their milk [for them] and in fact remained[excess] milk is [available for] export. Therefore cow[s ] supply enough milk for my country and it comes extra money in[as well as generating extra funds for] my country's economy.

Last but not least, confection industry is important for economic income. The most important reason of developed confection industry is livestock breeding. Cows' leathers is most important commodity for confection industry. Also it become the most important my country in the confection industry. {I do not really understand this paragraph. Confection means sweets or candy. How are cows used for candy and what does this have to do with leather?}

To sum up, [the] cow is the most important animal for my country.{no period here} Because we can use their milk, meat and leather. It gains[gives] us food, clothes and money. In my opinion, it is [a] very benefical {spelling} animal for every country. It is like a alive[living] factory!

TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the professor mention Mona Lisa?
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2135
Location: Nashville TN, USA

TOEFL Prep Tests — Increase your Score with 120 free TOEFL Vocabulary TestsTOEFL Study Guide Guaranteed to Raise TOEFL scores without weeks and months of studying — View the Free ReportTOEFL Test Package — Learn the most difficult TOEFL vocabulary words you need to pass the TOEFL with these vocabulary tests and this unique flash card systemSign up for FREE and explore English! Click to subscribe to email English course
Please check my TOEFL® essay please! Thank you! #3 (permalink) Fri Jan 27, 2012 23:46 pm   Please check my TOEFL® essay please! Thank you!
 

thanks a lot
Spartacus
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 26 Jan 2012
Posts: 34

Please check my TOEFL® essay please! Thank you! #4 (permalink) Fri Jan 27, 2012 23:52 pm   Please check my TOEFL® essay please! Thank you!
 

I used confection instead of readymade
Spartacus
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 26 Jan 2012
Posts: 34

Please check my TOEFL® essay please! Thank you! #5 (permalink) Sat Jan 28, 2012 0:10 am   Please check my TOEFL® essay please! Thank you!
 

Spartacus wrote:
I used confection instead of readymade


I am still not really sure about "readymade". Do you mean clothing and garments?
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 2135
Location: Nashville TN, USA

Please check my TOEFL® essay please! Thank you! #6 (permalink) Sun Jan 29, 2012 0:30 am   Please check my TOEFL® essay please! Thank you!
 

yes :)
Spartacus
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 26 Jan 2012
Posts: 34

Display posts from previous:   
TOEFL®: Living in a big city or in a small town? | Integrated task
ESL Forum | Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and essay samples collection All times are GMT + 1 Hour
Page 1 of 1
Latest topics on TOEFL Test Forums
please revise my integrated essayHello! Please, can someone correct my essay?Expired timePlease check my TOEFL®® essay please! Thank you!Check it ... Thank you in advance!:)Hi! Can someone rate my essay? :DTOEFL® How is your generation different from your parents´ generation?Toefl®:Luck has nothing to do with success.Please,check it...topic - Problem-solving ....and grade it >>> 0-30 :)))Can someone rate my writing? I'm trying to TOEFL® test.Hi everyone! Can someone correct my essay? I'm trying to the Toelfwhat is best for practice?Help in this essay! Plese, someone correct to me?

 
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
Subscribe to FREE email English course
First name E-mail