| #2 (permalink) Fri Jan 27, 2012 12:01 pm Here are some suggestions, hopefully I could provide some help:
|A picture, sculpture or other kinds of art are used to possess some unique elements and qualities to be considered as a (1) ‘Work of Art’. There are those who argue that nowadays in many art competitions, the winners (2) are quite normal 3), whereas a substantial number of artworks are ignored. (4) From my point of view, I strongly agree with this idea (5) for the following reasons.
1 delete a
4 Is there any links between this sentence with the topic?
5 it’s better to restate the idea
Firstly, despite claims(6) that artists are allowed to consult(7) with other works of art, it is a fact that there are a lot of people today copy(8) some paintings or sculptures as their own works. For instance, a Vietnamese artist won an art contest last year by a picture which he had taken idea from another painting and drawn again reversely(9). As a result, his action was exposed and the prize was disprived (10) immediately.
6 it is claimed
7 consult with—refer
8 lots of people plagiarize
9 by the idea that he had taken from another painting and drawn again reversely
Secondly, though it is true that artworks are able to bring big profits to the owners, we should bear in mind that money can decline the quality of art because (11) the artists focus excessively on earning money. A good example of this is a Vietnamese person named Van Phai, who earned a lot of money at the beginning of his career, (12) concentrated too much on profits so his works’ quality fell dramatically.
12 A good example is that, Van Phai, a Vietnamese person what earned a lot of money at beginning of his career, concentrated so much on profits that his works’ quality fell dramatically.
Finally, the ability to create new ideas decreases more remarkably day by day because of(13) the convenient condition. A research showed (shows) that people nowadays depend on technology a lot. This leads to a significant decline in human’s creation, so that artists are difficult to invent their own unique artworks.
(13) “because of” is too strong, “due to” should be better
To conclude, the word ‘masterpieces’ is now often belonged (14) to normal works of art than the unique pieces. Generally, money and technology and lack of idea are the three main reasons of this problem.(15)
(14) often belongs to
(15) If you could state some idea to improve the situation, the whole essay will be perfect.
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